LETTER TO MY DAD

                Flat 3, Corpers lodge,

                Ozuitem Secondary School,

                Ozuitem, Bende Local Government Area,

                Abia State.

                3:25am

My Daddy,

                It hurts so much that I will not see you again. I know you are in a better place now. You fought so hard to stay alive all through these years.  I remember learning letter writing from king’s crown. I wrote to you every day and dropped it on the piano. When I woke up the next day, the letter would not be there anymore.

You taught us to pray in Yoruba and by the time it got to my turn, I would have slept off being the last. You chastised us for not saying amen aloud. Now I know better. You taught me not to be greedy or selfish. Your motto was “Live within what you have”. You taught me to manage what I had and share it no matter how small it is.

I remember when we used to join the bus to church for 7am communion. Your cherished car was not available then. We had to leave home on time so that we don’t get there late. Your legs were always faster than mine and so I had to run up.

You loved and served God with all you had; your money, time and children. My best years were in the choir. The Adefeso’s were a complete quartet. I sang treble, brother Tosin in the alto line, brother Anu sang tenor while you were in the base line. I cherished those moments we sang tunes like “contemplation” together. My sister Ope sang soprano with me.

You got respect from all the priests that served at All Saints and in the old diocese of Lagos. Even the bishops knew you were exceptional. You served in the Altar servers Guild dutifully. You made a lot of friends across the province of Nigeria. You loved All Saints so much that you could not look away if something went wrong. You were always there to set the records straight. The parishioners knew “omolomo” to be upright in his service to God.

The popular saying in Nigeria that “when you get to power, you’ll be corrupt.”  This saying has been defeated by you. You served at Lagos State Development and Property Corporation without enriching your pocket. You rose to become the Secretary –General of the Association of Housing Corporations of Nigeria. You had every chance to enrich yourself but you chose not to. I had my internship in the same corporation a few years back and they said wonderful things about “chief of staff”.

You were a simple and loving man. You showed love to all around you even to the people far below your class. They loved you because you didn’t look down on them neither did you disrespect them. You made 1^st Corinthians 13 & John 3 vs. 16 meaningful to me. You loved mum so much.

You loved listening to hymns either on radio or your cassette player. I guess I took that from you. I am going to miss listening to hymns of praise with you every Sunday night before going to bed.

You taught us to be independent, work hard and entrust our tomorrow into God’s hand. In case we are coming back to earth, I’d love to be on your team. Thanks for allowing me cruise your Benz.

It’s so dramatic you decided to leave me this world cup year. I remember watching my ever first nation’s cup & world cup in 1994 with you. You will put on your old school radio for commentaries during the matches. I miss you greatly, dad.

Your Son,

Oluwarotimi.

NIGERIA'S SHOCK THERAPY - #BringBackOurGirls

In the wake of the gory pictures; of the school hostels attacked by night, burned, some girls killed in the fire, others injured, some girls abducted and the #BornoMassacre hashtag on twitter over two months ago, I cried. I was sick to my stomach tired of hearing these sickening news from as far back

HOW TO GET INTO A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP (2)

Mehn! I have to get into a romantic relationship, not friend zone how do I catch this fish? 

In the quest of finding love in companionship and satisfying the need for affiliation by first going out, stop being a hermit and being friendly, what happens in the process? I’d give you a scenario.

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How To Get In A Relationship (1)

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With the rise in the number of my contemporaries getting married and having families. Everyone is beginning to pressure knowingly and unknowingly about romantic relationship or getting married. Are you kidding me?!  Have I gotten the Phd? Abeg! Anyways, this isn’t about me. Some friend

Making A Difference About Teenage Pregnancy

Making a difference Network started in September 2013 with a career guidance and pre tertiary education training, during which the thought to take a next step in Teenage pregnancy prevention conceived 9 years ago was conceived also. So Adeyinka Adefemi (Please don’t call me founder) set out to find a way to push teenage pregnancy prevention. After series of planning meetings with a rugged team of Adekitan Oladipo, Noel Abiodun, Jare Fola Bolumole, and Olusegun Ayoade an advocacy workshop for the prevention of Teenage pregnancy named Making A Difference About Teenage pregnancy (MAD About TP) was decided to host three schools in Ibadan North East Local Government namely IMG High School, United Secondary School, Renascent High School, and to take place at the School Hall at Renascent High School Agugu on the 3^rd of April 2014 themed ‘Breaking The Silence’ with the aim of initiating open conversations on the incidences, causes of teenage pregnancy, and to empower the students with the knowledge to help them make sound decisions. MAD Network was able to network other positive impact driven individuals like Mr Folorunsho Moshood of Educare Trust, Dr Tomisin Olakanmi, Oluwasijibomi Soares, Oluwatosin Koya, Adebayo Adegbite, Edem Andah, Damilola Ayorinde, and Desola as volunteer educators for the advocacy workshop.

On Thursday the 3^rd of April 2014, MAD Network arrived Renascent High School Agugu for MAD about TP. Two schools showed up with their participants being Renascent High School Agugu (The host school) and IMG High School Agugu with twenty students, while United Secondary School was absent. After registrations and getting the participants informally introduced to each other, the program

I NEED A BAD BOY THAT LOVES THE LORD

"He may look like a player, may even be a player... but he loves the Lord naw."

Have you ever read any column for ‘searching singles’ anywhere where they put their details and a description of prospective partner? Here’s an imaginary one.

THIS VAL: SUNDAY EVENING BREAK UP (SHORT STORY)

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They answered my questions in turn and out of turn as I held out the worn out cane in my hand indicating my seriousness in writhing the truth out of the both of them. They confessed, their eyes wide with so much fright I just couldn’t pity them at this point, this was no time for motherly compassion, and the only compassion I had this time was for knowing how far these kids had gone physically.

“So when was the first time?! Tell me” I couldn’t help my voice being raised.

THIS VAL: SUNDAY EVENING CONFESSION (SHORT STORY)

Still William had not come up with an answer, so I had to call on courage and speak up.
"We did not kiss!"
"You did not kiss" She said as if she meant to say 'Really?' and searching William's eyes, he affirmed my statement. But she continued
"But what about yesterday afternoon, why did you kiss her yesterday afternoon?"
William shuddered
Oh my God! How on earth did she find out?
                   

REALITY CHECK #40 - A LIFE OF PURPOSE By Rick Warren

Do you think the sameness of everyday is all that is to your life? I thought I should end the REALTY CHECK SERIES on this note. Thank you for being there. Watch this video, share your thoughts.

REALITY CHECK #39 - 7 TIPS 6 AREAS ON GOAL SETTING

At the retreat I attended some days to the end of the year, a very effective retreat that I was in dire need of, I made a few notes from the notes made on goal setting.

We can’t say we want to reach our targets without having a plan WRITTEN down. That doesn’t work. So you need to write down your goals, this can’t be overemphasized.

TIPS TO SETTING GOALS

ü  They must be achievable, realistic goals

ü  They must be believable by most especially you

ü  They must be definite that is specific; nothing becomes dynamic until it becomes specific.

ü  Decide on a deadline, timelines are guidelines

ü  Write them down. Again, it cannot be overemphasized

ü  Develop a plan to achieve your goal

ü  Determine what you would give in exchange, like some reward system.

AREAS YOU MIGHT WANT TO SET GOALS

ü  Career or mental goals, having to do with skill most especially

ü  Health goals

ü  Spiritual life goals

ü  Financial goals

ü  Family / Social goals

ü  Behavioural goals

This is just to mention a few…you aren’t clear on exactly how you can do this or go about implementing, you can ask questions in the comment box.

Happy 2014!

Live, Learn, Love.

REALITY CHECK #34 - Do you think you have the right to be offended?

In the struggle of separating the times that I should be assertive, firm in my interpersonal relationships, and humble. I find out that I hold on to hurt on my pride especially. Someone said ‘Hurting people hurt others’ and I find it to be true. Have you ever wondered why people wrong others intentionally most times?

Pride is the root of all sin, we feel we have a right to be gratified, to have, and do certain things irrespective of what it does to another.
Do you think you have the right to take offence? Someone does something you find offensive or annoying and you feel you have the right to hold on to what hurts your pride. Let me burst your bubble, No! You don’t.
Whether you believe or not Jesus Christ died for all your sins and our Heavenly Father forgives our sins when we ask for it in Jesus name. So after he does forgive you, you don’t have the right to stay offended on anything. You are to forgive just like you were forgiven. Just think about it you were forgiven every single offence you committed to everyone you ever did and now someone offends you or a lot of people offend you. Shouldn’t you do as it was done to you?

Someone also said ‘He that is forgiven much forgives much’ I want to believe and see it. And I’m going to start with me. What about you?

REALITY CHECK #22 - HELP! MY TEEN IMPREGNATED ANOTHER!

Before it looks like I’m speculating about the obvious, there are some things that just eat me up when I see them.

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I wanted to buy pap at a local’s house one of these days, and the pap seller’s daughter who packaged what I’d be buying seemed to be at least six months gone and she was obviously a teenager, it also seemed like she had stopped school telling by the time of the day and the period it was in the school calender. I couldn’t help but imagine the event that could have followed after she was found out. The heart break, interrogation, anathematization if any at all, and resolution. I wasn’t bothered that they seemed to be at peace with her condition now, at least one’s child can’t be so troublesome to the extent of offering the child to lions for lunch. But I was bothered if they saw any of the problems that caused her getting pregnant and wanted to do something about it or let it pass.

Just like we have seen or heard about classmates of our elder ones that got pregnant and left school, friends of friends that got an abortion, our own classmates that got pregnant too, there’s one I’m not sure if she had an abortion or had the baby. And we have been shocked by the realities, gossiped about them and felt untouchable by such circumstances.

The first time I was inspired to take a stand concerning teenage pregnancy was just about this time eight years ago. And finally taking vivid steps towards it now, I got talking with someone and he asked if the people that this societal ill affected the most saw it as a problem? I had thought about that before then I had to think about it again and to be sure,

I need objective views. You may have seen instances of complacency, disdain or pain with respect to the subject, or it may have affected you one way or the other.

So let’s do some role playing here. What would you do as a parent if your teen got pregnant or impregnated another?

Do the people most affected (i.e pregnant teenagers, the impregnator, friends and family of the former) by teenage pregnancy think it is a problem? Or am I in another world seeing problems where there are none?

REALITY CHECK #21 - SPOTTING OR SOLVING PROBS, WHERE DO YOU FALL?

I think it's high time we take a stand for change and not just cheap talk. John C Maxwell said there is a difference between problem spotting and problem solving. The average Nigerian can spot problems and argue inexhaustibly about it. Let's ask how far that has got us, ehn? 

Let's be problem solvers in every little way we get the chance to and don't get the chance to be. Let's think, talk and think. Let's spot the problems, think and work to solving them. The status quo has got to end, aren't you tired?

Me I am o and I want to Take A Stand, Make A Difference. You nko?

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Live. Learn. Love

REALITY CHECK #s 18, 19, and 20

Three in one! Hey!
Nah, it's not that bad. This is a sign of a new me trying to follow through with something I've committed to

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do. Irrespective of the setbacks like bad internet network, exhaustion from the day, and writer's block I find myself here every night trying to upload some reflective musing of mine to keep up with what I've decided to do. Talk about perseverance. I don't want to keep going over the same things again and again. So that's #18.

#19 - Spontaneity, for me is very spontaneous. I wouldn't call myself a spontaneous person in any personality assessment, but sometimes I make resolutions and stand by them in the twinkle of an eye (I enjoy it and find it strange at the same time Weird right?!)This series is a product of one. My decision may be spontaneous doesn't necessarily mean the thoughts that lead to the decision are always so. Before you jump into conclusion and decision again, think about it.

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#20 - It's exactly Twenty days to the end of the year. Now, I recall what I want to develop into my personal mantra, 'God has not given me the spirit of fear, but he has given me the spirit of power, of love and of a sound mind'. In the absence of anything to say we should learn to be silent. Lingual caution. The mouth can sometimes be very distracting. I'm identifying moments and situations my mouth could be the setback and asking God for a wise tongue that rightly applies what it knows, you could try that too ;).

With heavy eyelids...
Live. Learn. Love

REALITY CHECK #17 - I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF HIM!

Nowadays it seems the TV won’t switch from MADIBA’s channel. Learning more about his life from the documentaries showing on the channel, I’ve been awed as to what manner of man Nelson Mandela was. I would not pretend that I’ve read all ever written about him and I've known him like the back of my palm prior to his death that has made his life more conspicuous, but I would like to say he reminds me a lot about Jesus Christ.

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And talking about Jesus Christ, after I watched the movie Pay It Forward I somewhat agreed that people who get to do really extraordinary things that shake the world to its core, don’t get to live for so long. Nelson Mandela’s life has reduced the degree to which I believe that a great deal. This evening in my room sitting by myself I wondered how, who taught this man what to do, who helped shape his perspective? Then I found out his view on the Bible, the book that helped him through his years in confinement. Ah! No wonder! He thought the Bible to be a useful tool, and yes he’s right we’ve all seen it’s true. Nelson Mandela’s life is an epitome of love; it’s all wrapped up in love.

There are few things that I want to point out from his life

First, Selflessness is the way to go. This man gave everything for what he believed in, a common good, the heart of God for all his children. And he left all to commit to the cause, not minding it may cost his life.

Second, his humility is something I’m still trying to wrap my mind around. He had well channeled pride, to his heritage and the things that made him who he was. And was able to let down his pride in ways that disarmed his enemies, I think commendable is an understatement in this aspect.

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Third, sincerity and transparency, he remained true to his beliefs in equal treatment of all men, installing and instilling peace, forgiveness and love in everything he said and did. Never spiting or retaliating is evidence that it emanated from within. He remained true to what he stood for, the people, and in NO WAY did he trade them for himself.

Fourth, this kind of life is sooo rewarding. Sincerely, no business venture can singularly boast of the returns that being sold out (for the cause that others would greatly benefit them) can bring. This is not about money speaking; Mandela’s life brought the world to him, gained access to greatest things in the world and became the celebrity of celebrities.

Let me stop here!

Nelson Mandela’s life proved that a message is rather caught than taught. It is easily embedded that way. That was how Christ lived and he did so that we would emulate him.

“Arise, Jerusalem! Let your light shine for all to see. For the glory of the LORD rises to shine on you.

Darkness as black as night covers all nations of the earth, but the glory of the LORD rises and appears over you.

All nations will come to your light; mighty kings will come to see your radiance.”

The world celebrates Mandela for a life well spent, not everyone would get that opportunity, but we should never miss opportunities to make God famous.

Live. Learn. Live

REALITY CHECK #16 - RETHINK CHANGE IN AFRICA

For everyone who is passionate about seeing an advanced Africa and a new dawn, bringing about change and a transformation. I dug this out, watched and had a reality check that I want you to have too. Somehow it makes me feel like going back to school. I really need to know what I'm in for if I want to make a difference, it's not for the feeble minded. His speech has made me reflect on the shame we've had for leadership especially in Africa over the years. Is there ever going to be a change, based on the realities surrounding us with some incumbent leaders ruling in some countries for long overdue years and other shameful scenarios we have? The corruption that has eaten so deep and wide like a terminal sickness? And so many other issues.
Do you totally agree with George Ayittey's views in this video? Please watch and share your thoughts.


Live. Learn. Love

REALITY CHECK #14 - LIFE AFTER DEATH (MADIBA)

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Yesterday, while I was waiting to get an okada to start my journey to CDS someone approached me with an evangelical tract that was titled with the question ‘Is there life after death?’, the guy asked me the same question as he offered me the tract, I told him yes there was and turned down the tract telling him that I was not interested bluntly. He was really bent on me finding out from the tract or at least sharing a scripture with me. I laughed on my inside seeing him struggle with his persuasion techniques, he didn’t play his cards in the right order, only if he knew I read Psychology.

But yes, I was serious with the life after death ideology, probably not from the angle you are expecting. Yes there is life after death. Life goes on after your death, but it would either go on with or without you. Some came to earth, died and still live today long after their death. There surely is life after death. Me and clichés, you choose to live or die after your death. You choose to leave legacies, indelible inventions, names, victories, achievements, freedoms, and histories long after you’re gone. The world may or may not celebrate your death positively, but somewhere somehow; you live or are dead every day after you are gone, through the things you left behind or not.

Another who would continue to have life after death has gone and I conclude in his very words

“The sun shall never set on so glorious a human achievement”

Adieu! Madiba

Long Live Nelson Mandela

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Live.Learn.LOVE

REALITY CHECK #12 - PROCRASTINATE YOUR DEATH

by PHILLIPS OLAYANJU

DISCLAIMER:THIS POST DOES NOT ENCOURAGE ANY FORM OF CHARM, INCANTATIONS AND ALL OTHER FETISH THINGS.

Hello there,

It's been a rough year and with the way most people are talking about death and its ominous manifestation, I think it's worth a thought. How would you feel if someone walked up to you telling you that you can prolong your stay on earth without any form of charm or vodoo? Oh yeah, you certainly would be interested as I would. Really, no one wants to die at an early age before his potential accomplishment but death would certainly come it's only a question of 'when'? Is there a way to shift the day of doom a bit forward?

So, I've always wanted to write something about people and their idiosyncrasies. I came in contact with a lot of people (especially death procrastinators) and I've always felt the urge to write something interesting about them but, as you probably know by now, I'm a death procrastinator and I postponed it till I was invited by a friend to contribute to her transformation of people  through my pen. I was forced to get up to do what I ought to have done months ago.  If you haven't read it, I think you really should here. I'm indeed indebted to her.

 I'm guessing there's something special, something interesting you've always wanted to do; someplace you want to go; something you badly want to achieve before your death. Is it playing a musical instrument? Learning a trade? Producing a movie that would outlive you? Writing that intriguing book?  Visiting that place you see in your dreams? Accomplish that feat no one has ever dreamed of? There are endless possibilities and unimaginable things you can achieve if only you'll listen to that voice that keeps telling you: "come on, come on, you can do it. Just try. Don’t think it’s impossible. People may laugh at you but what do you care? When you leave your name in the sands of time, when you achieve your goals, they'll come running to ask you how you did it. Then you must answer, 'I only listened to my heart'"

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Well, as they say: "Death comes like a thief in the night" and like I'll say: "The fear of death is the beginning of fear itself" .Wouldn't it be pitiful and unsatisfying if we answer the divine clarion call and the only account we have to give is: "Errm, I was about to…"? Isn't it unsatisfying for someone with lesser knowledge, gift, talent and ability achieves what you've always dreamed of but, never got to start. God has deposited in us powerful potentials beyond our mortal imagination; we only have to tap into it.

 

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Having said all these, let's drive into 2014 at a neck-breaking speed! We've got to paint the coming year red with our achievements. What are your resolutions for 2014? Mine's having a positive mind, what's yours?

REALITY CHECK #11 - LOVE SEASONS

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Very few and significant things make me nostalgic. The end of the year is one of them. The chilly dry morning and evening breeze, the smoked atmosphere from burning dry bushes, the fog that fills the air with particles, participation in carols, festivities, promos, decorated trees and homecoming. The whole thing just tickles my heart with so much love, I catch myself smiling a lot not because of what someone said or did. I feel like I'm in love with someone most times this season is present.

After we spend most of the year worrying, being angry with how much is not yet right with our lives, with the things and the people we care about, I hope we can take chill pills and love the moment. Remember that life is short, not necessarily for us, but we can just love. Forget about the inadequacies and short comings and imperfections, just love. If that person didn't live to see the next year, would you regret not showing as much love? Let go and make room for new beginnings. This is a note to self.


I look forward to star gazing...it's been really long I did that and its best with someone you care about
if you want to try too. Oh, this season just warms my heart.

Live. Learn. Love
Thank you

REALITY CHECK #10 - LOVING UNLOVABLES

I concluded my last post with the law of love. Yes I said it was straight forward enough but I didn’t say it was piece of cake especially the loving others part. This is not about the ‘not doing evil to other people’ part of loving others but loving the unlovable parts of other people.

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People can be unlovable sometimes as in really unlovable. Most times people we might be stuck with for the rest of our lives that we can’t do away with are the ones unlovable. They just make it hard for you to love them. They have something they do out of habit that pains your heart every time they do. You’ve tried to talk them out of it and you don’t want to be a nag anymore, but they’ve not stopped and it is still annoying. You just don’t see any reason why they can’t reason to change; it just seems like the common sense that is not common to them. It annoys you and hurts you. May be giving them some distance would help and guarding your heart with some massive fort but the slightest hint of their hurtful habit hasn’t escaped the corner of your eye.

Well, let me be straight about this. Don’t EXPECT people to change, HOPE that they would. It seems easier said than done right? But think about it. When you expect someone to change, your mind seems to focus full attention on their wrongdoings and that’s a lot of emotional energy. It drains you of happiness with that person; you get disappointed anytime you see they have not. When you hope that a person would change you are accepting them with their shortcomings and just the way they are, your reception transcends to them and they appreciate by behaving themselves around you most of the time. They feel placed on a pedestal, but don’t EXPECT them to stay there. Just keep doing your part of hoping they would change in your thoughts, in your words and actions towards them. You may have to do it forever, but it would help you cope better and makes you a better person. 

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Rather than fighting them to change by all means and causing strains in relationships with them, stand with them. It may be embarrassing; against the values you want to exhibit, and against all moral standards. Just try not to pounce on their person in your approach of correcting the behaviour and in the time they want to feel accepted, not depriving them of it may help.

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This almost looks like gibberish to me and there are exceptions to all I’ve written. Don’t apply this if you are about to get into a romantic relationship. If you are going into a relationship especially marriage, please make sure you are ready to live with every bad and good you see, every difference, every habit make sure you are okay with them through seasons. Let’s save the world from broken homes and marriages ;)