REALITY CHECK #10 - LOVING UNLOVABLES

I concluded my last post with the law of love. Yes I said it was straight forward enough but I didn’t say it was piece of cake especially the loving others part. This is not about the ‘not doing evil to other people’ part of loving others but loving the unlovable parts of other people.

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People can be unlovable sometimes as in really unlovable. Most times people we might be stuck with for the rest of our lives that we can’t do away with are the ones unlovable. They just make it hard for you to love them. They have something they do out of habit that pains your heart every time they do. You’ve tried to talk them out of it and you don’t want to be a nag anymore, but they’ve not stopped and it is still annoying. You just don’t see any reason why they can’t reason to change; it just seems like the common sense that is not common to them. It annoys you and hurts you. May be giving them some distance would help and guarding your heart with some massive fort but the slightest hint of their hurtful habit hasn’t escaped the corner of your eye.

Well, let me be straight about this. Don’t EXPECT people to change, HOPE that they would. It seems easier said than done right? But think about it. When you expect someone to change, your mind seems to focus full attention on their wrongdoings and that’s a lot of emotional energy. It drains you of happiness with that person; you get disappointed anytime you see they have not. When you hope that a person would change you are accepting them with their shortcomings and just the way they are, your reception transcends to them and they appreciate by behaving themselves around you most of the time. They feel placed on a pedestal, but don’t EXPECT them to stay there. Just keep doing your part of hoping they would change in your thoughts, in your words and actions towards them. You may have to do it forever, but it would help you cope better and makes you a better person. 

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Rather than fighting them to change by all means and causing strains in relationships with them, stand with them. It may be embarrassing; against the values you want to exhibit, and against all moral standards. Just try not to pounce on their person in your approach of correcting the behaviour and in the time they want to feel accepted, not depriving them of it may help.

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This almost looks like gibberish to me and there are exceptions to all I’ve written. Don’t apply this if you are about to get into a romantic relationship. If you are going into a relationship especially marriage, please make sure you are ready to live with every bad and good you see, every difference, every habit make sure you are okay with them through seasons. Let’s save the world from broken homes and marriages ;)