How To Get In A Relationship (1)

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With the rise in the number of my contemporaries getting married and having families. Everyone is beginning to pressure knowingly and unknowingly about romantic relationship or getting married. Are you kidding me?!  Have I gotten the Phd? Abeg! Anyways, this isn’t about me. Some friend

I NEED A BAD BOY THAT LOVES THE LORD

"He may look like a player, may even be a player... but he loves the Lord naw."

Have you ever read any column for ‘searching singles’ anywhere where they put their details and a description of prospective partner? Here’s an imaginary one.

REALITY CHECK #25 - THE SYMBIOTIC MARRIAGE

“A lazy person is as bad as someone who destroys things” The Bible says so in Proverbs 18:9. I want to discuss this in the context of marriage. A life partnership meant to be signed for life, what percentages are you looking at?

Fast rewind to Biology class in either SS1 or SS2, do you recall Symbiosis? Yes, an INTERDEPENT living of organisms of different species and there are three types commensalism, parasitism, and mutualism. Once again let’s use this in the context of a marriage relationship. We can define marriage as the INTERDEPENCE of two persons (of opposite sexes) and their lives backed by their decision and the society’s recognition for them to do so.

Parasitism would be an interdependence that causes harm to one and fully benefits the other. This is a harmful kind of marriage. One gives all and loses all while the other receives all and gains all. Can you already feel the pain in that?

Commensalism would be an interdependence that may fully benefit one and cause NO HARM to the other. One partner may give and give, but doesn’t really lose anything as the things given do not take anything from the giver. The receiver gains benefits that could also gotten by the self. In this case, their lives have no much difference apart, they are no better together, they can achieve what their being together offers even while alone.

Mutualism is an interdependence that brings about mutual benefits. The two persons are better off together, there is much gain in their togetherness, and they survive conditions of extremity and danger to their existence better when together. They are worse off apart or separated.

A lazy person is as bad as someone who destroys things. This is just to point those who have been unfair to their partners to rethink and decide to do right. In my opinion commensalism is the gateway to parasitism. Every marriage should aim mutualism or what do you think?

Live. Learn. Love

5 Areas You Need To Be Compatible With That Prospective Lover.

Sometimes when I say love is not enough in marriage, people think it strange. But there are lot of issues that can affect love relationships and the so called 'LOVE' won't stand a chance. When love is doing you gish gish,  it may not be so easy, but you have to try and  shine your eye weh weh, so you won't wake up one morning shocked at yourself for getting married to the wrong person.

I believe the best time to do a lot of talking is before you get into a romantic relationship, I guess you started out with the "Let's be friends" line majorly because you want this to be real, and you wish it would last forever in marriage. It sure helps you to get things straight and study (Without sentiments) the degree to which both of you may be compatible. Chatting for a few hours and jumping to the conclusion that "We have a connection" and "It feels like we have known each other for like forever" is an appearance, those are just feelings and believe me feelings are not reliable.

5 Areas You Should Be Surely Compatible

1. Religious or Spiritual Beliefs: You have to be sure both of you share the same beliefs or you are okay with what the person believes and don't mind raising kids with them. If you think this would pose a future family issue you better think again.
2. Finances: You certainly don't love the person because of money yes, but do you think you are okay with the person's financial habits. How seriously does the person take the issue of his/her financial future? And not because of what he/she has but because of who he/she is, is the person a financial asset or liability?
3. Sex: Yes! What do you want sexually before and after marriage? Does it tally with what the other person wants? So even if the relationship doesn't lead to marriage in the end you are not left feeling violated in this aspect.
4. Having Kids: Oh yes! This has proved love wrong in a lot of marriages and turned them sour. Don't just assume this partner in question already agrees with whatever you have in mind. How many do you want? When do you want? Do you even want? What happens if kids don't come when you expect or how you expect? Please people, talk about these things!
5. Achievements: Before one man marries you and your law degree ends up in the kitchen, discuss your goals. Is the prospect comfortable with how far you desire to go in life? What are the prospect's aspirations? Are you comfortable with them?

So I have a question for you. 

Jack meets Jane who no man would pass by without giving a second look. He approaches her, and they get acquainted quite easily as friends, he desires a romantic relationship with her, but during their many discussions he discovers she doesn't like children at all and does want to have any around in the future, while he wants children running around in his future home. He also perceives her as a vain spendthrift, but they have great chemistry going on like he has never felt with anyone else. If you were Jack what would you do?

How To Or Not To Propose.

WARNING: Long but interesting post ahead.

It's that time of the year again, that time they call the 'Season of Love' (Sorry, I'm not a big fan). I guess this particular day records the highest number of marriage proposals every year. You know I'm talking about Valentine's day.

Last year, one of my secondary school seniors got a proposal on the radio on Val's day (The guy proposed to her on radio, just in case you don't understand) it was mushy...you know...and it worked for her, they married in December.

When you see 'I'm not a big fan' of Valentine's day, it does not mean I'm a hater (maybe just a table fan LOL), God knows I'm a romantic, I just don't show it.

Maybe one of the reasons why I'm not a big fan of Valentine is because my romantic relationships have not lasted till Valentine's yet. But seriously, the thing that makes Valentine not tick for me is that I may be expecting something if I'm in a romantic relationship and I hate expecting, because it is synonymous to extreme apprehension or (God forbid) an OCD for that thing I'm expecting.

Marriage proposal is an overwhelming experience especially for ladies, guys should not think that ladies want marriage so bad, they don't care how you ask.

We ladies are the ones who like to talk about the proposal stories. Tiwa Savage's birthday party cum proposal this week, was what got us gisting about how we like or do not like to be proposed to. The following are the views of ladies who could not resist the juicy gist that morning, just before the work started weighing.

Mjady
I would not like a proposal on a day I'm expecting surprises, like Val's day or my birthday. It won't work for me, my mind would have gone far and wide about what, how and where the surprises would come from. I'd like it innovative and unexpected, but not overboard.

Yem
I hope I get a proposal on Valentine's day, it would be so lovely. I just want to hear those words.

ML
He proposed on one of our outings, I was not expecting it. We were on a boat cruise and that was all I was excited about till we got to the middle of the ocean and the boat stopped. I was wondering whatever may have happened while he feigned trying to pick a call and bringing his phone out of his pocket. The next thing I know is, he going on one knee with a ring in his hand...*gasp*

Tomy
The first proposal I received was at the airport, I was returning from a trip. I was approaching my boyfriend who was supposed to receive me when I saw him go on one knee, I was totally embarrassed. I accepted, just to avoid embarrassing him in front of that crowd. After that day, I declined his proposal because I was not ready for marriage, but we remained friends. Years after that we were in a romantic relationship again and he proposed in a better way this time. Our marriage is almost two years old now.

Desy
Any day is special for a marriage proposal in my opinion, the guy should be creative with his 'element of surprise' and make it special for his lady.

*I wish this was a disclaimer but Mjady, is single Yem  is dating, ML is engaged, Tomy and Desy are married.

Now it's your turn to share your thots.