REALITY CHECK #34 - Do you think you have the right to be offended?

In the struggle of separating the times that I should be assertive, firm in my interpersonal relationships, and humble. I find out that I hold on to hurt on my pride especially. Someone said ‘Hurting people hurt others’ and I find it to be true. Have you ever wondered why people wrong others intentionally most times?

Pride is the root of all sin, we feel we have a right to be gratified, to have, and do certain things irrespective of what it does to another.
Do you think you have the right to take offence? Someone does something you find offensive or annoying and you feel you have the right to hold on to what hurts your pride. Let me burst your bubble, No! You don’t.
Whether you believe or not Jesus Christ died for all your sins and our Heavenly Father forgives our sins when we ask for it in Jesus name. So after he does forgive you, you don’t have the right to stay offended on anything. You are to forgive just like you were forgiven. Just think about it you were forgiven every single offence you committed to everyone you ever did and now someone offends you or a lot of people offend you. Shouldn’t you do as it was done to you?

Someone also said ‘He that is forgiven much forgives much’ I want to believe and see it. And I’m going to start with me. What about you?

REALITY CHECK #33 - LESSONS FROM A GAME OF CHARADES

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I played a game of charades this evening in the company of other friends all divided to three groups. My group which took time in deciding on the name of the group and its leader, had a strong team in terms of number and intellectual capability. My group was named SWIFT and was the first to take turns, a member of the third group or someone who was not to be in any group at all was attracted to what he saw and envisioned our capabilities. So he ported to our group and was making funny suggestions to every demonstration from any of the groups, we ignored him and for every round that we got our answers right we excluded him from our celebration though he was keen on being part of our group. We were guessing the dramatization by all the groups right, but there was to be no bonus, the time keeper was either keen on not giving us time or the other teams saw something wrong with how we played. When it was my turn to demonstrate, my first try was disqualified for trying to make an alphabet with my hand, my second try was disqualified because the unwanted addendum who had been guessing wrongly all through finally guessed right this time. There was an uproar, we couldn’t have the full point at least they said, because he was not part of our group. We team SWIFT members got angry and said we had had it, we were no more participating. We skipped two rounds willingly, then the moderator came at the third round and told us we either continued or our group would be dissolved for the rest of the program, we either kicked out the Jonah in our midst or keep him and be nullified because we were giving disadvantage to the team that claimed he was part of them. We kicked out the Jonah in the end and continued the game, in the end we came second place. I was hurt L and sulked a little, seriously anyways but I felt sentimental about having not to be the winner at the game with the advantages we had and the promise from the start of the game.

Lesson learnt:

ü  Success attracts challenges, it also attracts familirisation

ü  Competition is won in business most times by ability of the team, and what each person can do, an educated guess at our strengths and weaknesses worked well for my team.

ü  Team cohesion in the right direction also gives a competitive advantage. In the face of repercussions caused by the Jonah getting it right for the first time and our score being divided to two, team SWIFT should have accepted it after our opposition and continued the game. Then come out triumphant despite the challenges.

ü  Opposition are persistent of ways to break in to the weakest link in the chain

ü  Respond and do not react to the opposition you face irrespective of how many times they have come.

ü  Don’t stop what you are to do or who you are to be because of a sudden opposition or challenge

ü  Talent is never enough

Thanks.

Live. Learn, Love

REALITY CHECK #32 - What to do with the ruins

Nation Building
Nehemiah was the king's cupbearer. God needs people who are available for his vision. The ruins in Jerusalem  were not Nehemiah's fault. Sometimes we pray amiss asking God to do what he has finished his part. God wouldn't again do what he has done.
Your ability to see things others can't see is vision . We have to come to the place of being responsible for some things we didn't cause if there's going to be some transformation where we desire.
We can spot problems, criticize, and judge from our views the situations in our industry, nation, famiy etc but we have to take appropriate action to effect change. Think on these things ...

REALITY CHECK # 31 - Forget big change, start with a tiny habit: BJ Fogg at TEDxFremont

Someone said you can't export the leadership you've not gotten at home. If you desire Big change, I think you should pause and watch this video, try the thoughts on and see if they fit.

 

REALITY CHECK #30 - YOU DON'T NEED A MAN

Hearing her mother soliloquize was no more awkward nowadays, with the door of her mother's room left ajar Ebere could hear her mother whine to herself once again.

"All his family members could do nothing about it ehn...he left me with three children. They have been sent away from school again this term, I can't pay a dime ehn! If I go back to his family they would say I nagged him to leave me. Just imagine. It's well over a year and this man didn't look back. We can't feed, talk less of anything else. If only there could be a man to support me with these needs... I need a man"

The very thoughts that birthed immorality in the mind of women. Hmmn! I'm not condemning the women in this pitiable condition or attacking the men who somehow contributed to this problem. We need the citizens of the world to think and that's what I'm here to say. Women NEED to break free from the mentality that puts them at the mercy of men, what the society has engraved on their minds that they are not fit enough to STAND on their own.

From this stand point I have seen women conquer in the face of adversity as widows especially. Women are capable of a lot of things.

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Just like every man has greatness on their inside, women also possess greatness to succeed without sucking up to a man.

Live. Learn. Love

REALITY CHECK #29 - Don't Just Follow Your Passion: A Talk for Generation Y: Eunice Hii at T...

This is a great piece you should watch and listen to. This young and bright mind has just laid out some very strong points on this Reality Check series. The generation Y, our generation called 'The Lazy Generation', and it can be faulted on the 'Follow your passion' statement. Do you agree?  It's really important for you, especially if you are below Thirty years, an undergraduate or a youth corps member. Please share your thoughts about it here.

REALITY CHECK #28 - DID YOU START A LONG TIME AGO?

I attended an awards ceremony some days ago I was not a nominee though everyone thought I was, but I was so inspired to keep doing what I was doing, to learn to be greater at it and keep dreaming those dreams and more? NO! It wasn’t that encouraging. What I really observed was, you have to have started a long time ago. Track records were needed; you had to have done things kids your age didn’t do, you have to be the extra out of the ordinary, and again you have to have started a long time ago.

Oh! You don’t really care about awards, trophies and plaques that make people show off, right? But if you got a call one day telling you that people you do not know have recommended that you be nominated for receiving a reward based on the things you have done and your achievement in a particular field, tell me, how would you feel? Angry some people are so idle; they’ve got nothing better to do than to discuss you with other people you do not know? Scared that you are being trailed or stalked somehow or how else did they get the number you didn’t provide to them directly? Or agitated that you are going to meet traffic on your way home?

I guess I’m not giving you options here, because you are going to feel great! You are going to cringe with excitement on your inside and you would be confused with how exactly to show it or not to show it. You’re going to feel unworthy and worthy. Somehow you’re hard work, dedication and consistency finally paid off and not only you has thought so.

One other thing I thought of was relevance. In this time of things going viral and trends, I say it is very easy to get distracted, to want to be like everyone else and conform. It may seem a lot to actually make heads way on a path not travelled by many. But if all you do is tweet dirty and tacky stuff you are sitting on a long thing. If you are not building people, families, businesses, nations, futures then I know you are really sitting on a long thing. Why waste your time doing what would cost, when you can do what pays?

Like I said in a similar post, The best time to have planted a tree was ten years ago, but the best time to plant that tree again is NOW.

Live. Learn. Love

REALITY CHECK #27 - We should all be feminists BY CHIMAMANDA

I always lovde this video, not because Beyonce  just featured it in her new album, but because it is a strong point on REALITY CHECK. You should watch and find out what it was, then state it in the comment box here. Enjoy!

REALITY CHECK #26 - A CRAZY YEAR'S LESSON

WRITTEN BY - @zedtells

2013 has 13 more days to wrap! If I am asked to describe the year in one word I would say crazy! It was a crazy one for a lot of reasons; I stretched myself beyond my limits, I dared to dream and I did see the dream come alive, this makes me smile all the time as I have surprised myself.

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My crazy year started with a crazy idea that wouldn’t let me sleep for many nights. I had been posted to serve during my NYSC at a school with a fundamental challenge which unknown to the school management was affecting the student’s performance adversely.

The Challenge:

When interacting with student’s I was assigned to teach, I never failed to ask the question “What do you want to be in future?” my rational behind asking was to deduce if they really had an interest in the class they were placed or the subjects they were being taught. For every 10 students I asked I got 8 students who stated professions that were not related to the subjects they were studying currently. The most shocking one was a student in art class who wanted to be an Electrical Engineer but wasn’t given the chance to enter science class because his mathematics was relatively weak. This situation wasn’t new in the Nigerian educational system but it made teaching very difficult. Standing in front of a class with a chunk of uninterested students, is like trying to break concrete with a hammer which is a frustrating task.

My Solution:

I decided to come up with an e-career alignment program offering career advisory service to students using the tool of technology to discover the interest of students and suitable careers for them. Also bringing experienced career counselors to interact with participating students.

Some Feedback:

The career edge day was great I learnt a lot from the professionals who came to speak especially the counseling session gave me a better understanding of a career path in accounting. – Oludele Esther

The program was well packaged and I’m excited as I learnt a lot from the aviation counselor. I’m looking forward to a great career in aviation – Olanrewaju Ope

Following up on the participating students I observed a significant rise in their academic motivation and 70% of them had it easy getting promoted to the next class.

It wasn’t an easy feat considering this was an unfamiliar terrain but something kept pushing me to continue. Perhaps it was a drive to see proof that my unorthodox method could yield tangible result. All the logistic challenges didn’t deter my effort, and I learnt some very clear lessons:

·     
    You can only fix a problem when you take time to understand the root cause. Most times the solutions we adopt are a temporary fix to the problem which is for a while it doesn’t nip it in the bud.

·         Nothing is achievable with unachievable mentality. I ran into diverse challenges trying to execute the project; my major challenge was getting my stakeholders especially the school management to understand how important this would help resolve the poor academic performance they were currently experiencing as a school.

·         The education sector needs a lot of revamp and we have a responsibility to realign the odds for the younger generation.

·         You don’t know how capable you are of a thing till you try.

·         Satisfaction comes from helping people discover their personality, potential and igniting their passion. Olanrewaju will be entering aviation school next year this makes me very glad as there would one child less in the wrong profession in the next 5 or more years.

·         In helping others discover themselves I discovered myself. No impact is too small!

I may be one of the few who dared to dream and saw it come true this year. But I am genuinely disturbed when I listen to people talk that about splendid ideas that would make great impact even to an industrial level but have done nothing about it. Nursing ideas for years and doing nothing is a dangerous game to play more like gambling with potential seeds.

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Although the year is gone it is important to begin to prepare the sheets for 2014. Start with writing down that one thing you always wanted to do but have procrastinated for years. Is it a book? Publish it, a business? Start it, a certification? Get it. Whatever it is it’s never late to make the most of life and no one is responsible for your dreams but you!

This is my learning point this crazy year.

REALITY CHECK #25 - THE SYMBIOTIC MARRIAGE

“A lazy person is as bad as someone who destroys things” The Bible says so in Proverbs 18:9. I want to discuss this in the context of marriage. A life partnership meant to be signed for life, what percentages are you looking at?

Fast rewind to Biology class in either SS1 or SS2, do you recall Symbiosis? Yes, an INTERDEPENT living of organisms of different species and there are three types commensalism, parasitism, and mutualism. Once again let’s use this in the context of a marriage relationship. We can define marriage as the INTERDEPENCE of two persons (of opposite sexes) and their lives backed by their decision and the society’s recognition for them to do so.

Parasitism would be an interdependence that causes harm to one and fully benefits the other. This is a harmful kind of marriage. One gives all and loses all while the other receives all and gains all. Can you already feel the pain in that?

Commensalism would be an interdependence that may fully benefit one and cause NO HARM to the other. One partner may give and give, but doesn’t really lose anything as the things given do not take anything from the giver. The receiver gains benefits that could also gotten by the self. In this case, their lives have no much difference apart, they are no better together, they can achieve what their being together offers even while alone.

Mutualism is an interdependence that brings about mutual benefits. The two persons are better off together, there is much gain in their togetherness, and they survive conditions of extremity and danger to their existence better when together. They are worse off apart or separated.

A lazy person is as bad as someone who destroys things. This is just to point those who have been unfair to their partners to rethink and decide to do right. In my opinion commensalism is the gateway to parasitism. Every marriage should aim mutualism or what do you think?

Live. Learn. Love

REALITY CHECK #24 - THE CONTAGIOUS CANCER AFFECTING CHILDREN

Traditionally, we have been brought up to think that verbal abuse helps to put a child's behavior in check and helps them to correct themselves. I think this is mostly found in the Yoruba culture, I've heard Yoruba mothers say so. I observe mothers say unspeakable things to their children in the name of correction. Please

stop it! A mouth that spits evil reveals the evil abiding in the host and will breed evil mouthed offspring. Adults are the ones with the problem, the cancer they pass on to children with every seed of verbal abuse they plant in children. 

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There's totally creative ability in your tongue, because the mind is very suggestive when you call a child a stubborn goat for something that his young and developing brain is to blame, you are telling the child to be a stubborn goat. So the child would obey or you may continually see the behavior of a goat instead of the child's. We have to be very cautious and handle children's inadequacies with maturity, don't let it get to you. If you have to start name calling then it has gotten to you. And most times we don't get to verbally abuse a child just once, once you pop, you almost can't stop. You would keep doing this, till it is instilled on the child's subconscious 

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Sometimes we think when children are able to walk, talk and do a few other things themselves, their brains are developed enough to think, recall, observe and decipher things like adults can. No! Not yet. The brain actually takes longer to reach maturity than you think. Remember when you thought that the moon was stalking you, swallowing a seed would make a tree grow on your inside, and that rain drops were in a sprint competition? That's right! You barely remember, but that's the way it is with them now. 

Verbal abuse is always a negative reinforcement, it creates a weak link to learning the desired behavior. Give positive reinforcement to a child instead, by understanding and positively appraising, forgiving, focusing on good behavior and encouraging, trusting them. You would be filling them with good stuff and they know how to appreciate that.

Live. Learn. Love

REALITY CHECK #23 - BURST THAT PERFECT FAMILY BUBBLE

Michelle always thought her life was perfect though she didn't know much about life. On her turning Eight years things started to change for the better for her family. They moved to a bigger house, and it seems her mum is really going to get that bike she had always fantasized about owning as she journeyed to school everyday. Her mum just got another transfer at her work place and the last holiday she spent with her mum at her station was complete bliss. Mum wanted her to continue school under her care, Yipee! Now she kept her excitement inside as she had shown enough on the outside already. They journeyed to mum's new station in that nice and latest car that mum said God provided for her. Michelle's joy was full

As they danced along with the car moving slowly over potholes and gallops driving through what looked like a residential area, Michelle couldn't help guessing if every street and beautiful house they slowly approached was going to be their new home. Mum interrupted the music playing , "How would you like to get a big teddy bear next?" Michelle gave a big grin. The surprises where now in overdose, she had long forgotten 'teddy' her brown fur less companion and almost the only toy for years, since um came home with a snow white fluffy cutie she immediately fell in love with.

"Thanks, mum" she responded almost halfheartedly as she continued her search, but mum continued

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"You remember Uncle Yusuf?"

Her smile lightened up as the name rang a happy bell. The last holiday at mum's station, mum had a lot of young people sharing the flat with her and Uncle Yusuf was so much fun to be with. "Yes!"

"He got you those gifts, the teddy bear, toys, books..."

"God bless Uncle Yusuf"

"Amen, he's a very nice man she bi? You could call him small daddy you know, his nephew Dan calls him that"

Michelle's brows kissed "But I have my own daddy?!" Bewildered at mum's request

"I know, just 'small daddy' don't you think he deserves it?"

Michelle's silence said a lot as she pondered on what she just heard

Why do I have to call Uncle Yusuf daddy? What is happening to mum?

Can you guess what's happening?

REALITY CHECK #22 - HELP! MY TEEN IMPREGNATED ANOTHER!

Before it looks like I’m speculating about the obvious, there are some things that just eat me up when I see them.

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I wanted to buy pap at a local’s house one of these days, and the pap seller’s daughter who packaged what I’d be buying seemed to be at least six months gone and she was obviously a teenager, it also seemed like she had stopped school telling by the time of the day and the period it was in the school calender. I couldn’t help but imagine the event that could have followed after she was found out. The heart break, interrogation, anathematization if any at all, and resolution. I wasn’t bothered that they seemed to be at peace with her condition now, at least one’s child can’t be so troublesome to the extent of offering the child to lions for lunch. But I was bothered if they saw any of the problems that caused her getting pregnant and wanted to do something about it or let it pass.

Just like we have seen or heard about classmates of our elder ones that got pregnant and left school, friends of friends that got an abortion, our own classmates that got pregnant too, there’s one I’m not sure if she had an abortion or had the baby. And we have been shocked by the realities, gossiped about them and felt untouchable by such circumstances.

The first time I was inspired to take a stand concerning teenage pregnancy was just about this time eight years ago. And finally taking vivid steps towards it now, I got talking with someone and he asked if the people that this societal ill affected the most saw it as a problem? I had thought about that before then I had to think about it again and to be sure,

I need objective views. You may have seen instances of complacency, disdain or pain with respect to the subject, or it may have affected you one way or the other.

So let’s do some role playing here. What would you do as a parent if your teen got pregnant or impregnated another?

Do the people most affected (i.e pregnant teenagers, the impregnator, friends and family of the former) by teenage pregnancy think it is a problem? Or am I in another world seeing problems where there are none?

REALITY CHECK #21 - SPOTTING OR SOLVING PROBS, WHERE DO YOU FALL?

I think it's high time we take a stand for change and not just cheap talk. John C Maxwell said there is a difference between problem spotting and problem solving. The average Nigerian can spot problems and argue inexhaustibly about it. Let's ask how far that has got us, ehn? 

Let's be problem solvers in every little way we get the chance to and don't get the chance to be. Let's think, talk and think. Let's spot the problems, think and work to solving them. The status quo has got to end, aren't you tired?

Me I am o and I want to Take A Stand, Make A Difference. You nko?

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Live. Learn. Love

REALITY CHECK #s 18, 19, and 20

Three in one! Hey!
Nah, it's not that bad. This is a sign of a new me trying to follow through with something I've committed to

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do. Irrespective of the setbacks like bad internet network, exhaustion from the day, and writer's block I find myself here every night trying to upload some reflective musing of mine to keep up with what I've decided to do. Talk about perseverance. I don't want to keep going over the same things again and again. So that's #18.

#19 - Spontaneity, for me is very spontaneous. I wouldn't call myself a spontaneous person in any personality assessment, but sometimes I make resolutions and stand by them in the twinkle of an eye (I enjoy it and find it strange at the same time Weird right?!)This series is a product of one. My decision may be spontaneous doesn't necessarily mean the thoughts that lead to the decision are always so. Before you jump into conclusion and decision again, think about it.

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#20 - It's exactly Twenty days to the end of the year. Now, I recall what I want to develop into my personal mantra, 'God has not given me the spirit of fear, but he has given me the spirit of power, of love and of a sound mind'. In the absence of anything to say we should learn to be silent. Lingual caution. The mouth can sometimes be very distracting. I'm identifying moments and situations my mouth could be the setback and asking God for a wise tongue that rightly applies what it knows, you could try that too ;).

With heavy eyelids...
Live. Learn. Love

REALITY CHECK #17 - I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF HIM!

Nowadays it seems the TV won’t switch from MADIBA’s channel. Learning more about his life from the documentaries showing on the channel, I’ve been awed as to what manner of man Nelson Mandela was. I would not pretend that I’ve read all ever written about him and I've known him like the back of my palm prior to his death that has made his life more conspicuous, but I would like to say he reminds me a lot about Jesus Christ.

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And talking about Jesus Christ, after I watched the movie Pay It Forward I somewhat agreed that people who get to do really extraordinary things that shake the world to its core, don’t get to live for so long. Nelson Mandela’s life has reduced the degree to which I believe that a great deal. This evening in my room sitting by myself I wondered how, who taught this man what to do, who helped shape his perspective? Then I found out his view on the Bible, the book that helped him through his years in confinement. Ah! No wonder! He thought the Bible to be a useful tool, and yes he’s right we’ve all seen it’s true. Nelson Mandela’s life is an epitome of love; it’s all wrapped up in love.

There are few things that I want to point out from his life

First, Selflessness is the way to go. This man gave everything for what he believed in, a common good, the heart of God for all his children. And he left all to commit to the cause, not minding it may cost his life.

Second, his humility is something I’m still trying to wrap my mind around. He had well channeled pride, to his heritage and the things that made him who he was. And was able to let down his pride in ways that disarmed his enemies, I think commendable is an understatement in this aspect.

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Third, sincerity and transparency, he remained true to his beliefs in equal treatment of all men, installing and instilling peace, forgiveness and love in everything he said and did. Never spiting or retaliating is evidence that it emanated from within. He remained true to what he stood for, the people, and in NO WAY did he trade them for himself.

Fourth, this kind of life is sooo rewarding. Sincerely, no business venture can singularly boast of the returns that being sold out (for the cause that others would greatly benefit them) can bring. This is not about money speaking; Mandela’s life brought the world to him, gained access to greatest things in the world and became the celebrity of celebrities.

Let me stop here!

Nelson Mandela’s life proved that a message is rather caught than taught. It is easily embedded that way. That was how Christ lived and he did so that we would emulate him.

“Arise, Jerusalem! Let your light shine for all to see. For the glory of the LORD rises to shine on you.

Darkness as black as night covers all nations of the earth, but the glory of the LORD rises and appears over you.

All nations will come to your light; mighty kings will come to see your radiance.”

The world celebrates Mandela for a life well spent, not everyone would get that opportunity, but we should never miss opportunities to make God famous.

Live. Learn. Live

REALITY CHECK #16 - RETHINK CHANGE IN AFRICA

For everyone who is passionate about seeing an advanced Africa and a new dawn, bringing about change and a transformation. I dug this out, watched and had a reality check that I want you to have too. Somehow it makes me feel like going back to school. I really need to know what I'm in for if I want to make a difference, it's not for the feeble minded. His speech has made me reflect on the shame we've had for leadership especially in Africa over the years. Is there ever going to be a change, based on the realities surrounding us with some incumbent leaders ruling in some countries for long overdue years and other shameful scenarios we have? The corruption that has eaten so deep and wide like a terminal sickness? And so many other issues.
Do you totally agree with George Ayittey's views in this video? Please watch and share your thoughts.


Live. Learn. Love

REALITY CHECK #15 - MISTRESS TENDENCIES

DISCLAIMER: This is not a personal confession or true story, but a fictional expression of the writer's imagination.

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The last thing I want to be is ‘the other woman’. What happened to the single guys? It seems all the good guys are taken! Now, some of these taken guys are not watching themselves, they are beginning to sound emotionally unfaithful to their partners and they are not taking caution. Won fi nkan ti won o ni je, run mu (They are playing with what they don’t intend eating). I’m really wondering what’s happening.

We meet somehow and become friends, you are taken and I’m not, in fact I’m not scared you are going to be asking me out so I feel quite safe, no strings attached and very harmless. You find me interesting as I do and we begin to share experiences, knowledge and interests. In fact that is great, I’m gaining advancement from our association and seeing you as someone I could learn a lot from. We spend time that seems rather quality and sometimes quantity, what would I rather do? You have become a good friend of mine. You check on me when we are not together, probably after we've parted from being at the same place. I feel I’m accountable to someone, but another thing seems to show up, something I’ve probably not noticed or waved off thinking it impossible with you…Chemistry? No Way! I’m in denial, then I fill in the gaps and make up excuses to justify that it is not what I think.

Then, the calls, context of concern, wishes and care given get me wondering if your partner knows about me and our ‘friendship’ or if she really exists because you never mention her or anything about her, unless I ask. You sound more content and comforted from your worries by the sound of my voice or words of encouragement. You take my opinions and advice seriously above any other. Now it’s alarming! Does she really exist? Or am I gradually becoming your other woman? Am I gradually allowing an emotional affair here and ignoring the tendencies? OMG! What’s happening? I’m beginning to smile replaying my day in my head with you having ninety five per cent of appearances in the scenes. NOT THE OTHER WOMAN! NOT THE OTHER WOMAN!! NOT THE OTHER WOMAN!!!

Are these the thots of a lady seeing mistress symptoms?

“Let he who thinks he stands, take heed lest he falls.”

REALITY CHECK #14 - LIFE AFTER DEATH (MADIBA)

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Yesterday, while I was waiting to get an okada to start my journey to CDS someone approached me with an evangelical tract that was titled with the question ‘Is there life after death?’, the guy asked me the same question as he offered me the tract, I told him yes there was and turned down the tract telling him that I was not interested bluntly. He was really bent on me finding out from the tract or at least sharing a scripture with me. I laughed on my inside seeing him struggle with his persuasion techniques, he didn’t play his cards in the right order, only if he knew I read Psychology.

But yes, I was serious with the life after death ideology, probably not from the angle you are expecting. Yes there is life after death. Life goes on after your death, but it would either go on with or without you. Some came to earth, died and still live today long after their death. There surely is life after death. Me and clichés, you choose to live or die after your death. You choose to leave legacies, indelible inventions, names, victories, achievements, freedoms, and histories long after you’re gone. The world may or may not celebrate your death positively, but somewhere somehow; you live or are dead every day after you are gone, through the things you left behind or not.

Another who would continue to have life after death has gone and I conclude in his very words

“The sun shall never set on so glorious a human achievement”

Adieu! Madiba

Long Live Nelson Mandela

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Live.Learn.LOVE

REAKITY CHECK 13 - The power of vulnerability

REALITY CHECK #12 - PROCRASTINATE YOUR DEATH

by PHILLIPS OLAYANJU

DISCLAIMER:THIS POST DOES NOT ENCOURAGE ANY FORM OF CHARM, INCANTATIONS AND ALL OTHER FETISH THINGS.

Hello there,

It's been a rough year and with the way most people are talking about death and its ominous manifestation, I think it's worth a thought. How would you feel if someone walked up to you telling you that you can prolong your stay on earth without any form of charm or vodoo? Oh yeah, you certainly would be interested as I would. Really, no one wants to die at an early age before his potential accomplishment but death would certainly come it's only a question of 'when'? Is there a way to shift the day of doom a bit forward?

So, I've always wanted to write something about people and their idiosyncrasies. I came in contact with a lot of people (especially death procrastinators) and I've always felt the urge to write something interesting about them but, as you probably know by now, I'm a death procrastinator and I postponed it till I was invited by a friend to contribute to her transformation of people  through my pen. I was forced to get up to do what I ought to have done months ago.  If you haven't read it, I think you really should here. I'm indeed indebted to her.

 I'm guessing there's something special, something interesting you've always wanted to do; someplace you want to go; something you badly want to achieve before your death. Is it playing a musical instrument? Learning a trade? Producing a movie that would outlive you? Writing that intriguing book?  Visiting that place you see in your dreams? Accomplish that feat no one has ever dreamed of? There are endless possibilities and unimaginable things you can achieve if only you'll listen to that voice that keeps telling you: "come on, come on, you can do it. Just try. Don’t think it’s impossible. People may laugh at you but what do you care? When you leave your name in the sands of time, when you achieve your goals, they'll come running to ask you how you did it. Then you must answer, 'I only listened to my heart'"

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Well, as they say: "Death comes like a thief in the night" and like I'll say: "The fear of death is the beginning of fear itself" .Wouldn't it be pitiful and unsatisfying if we answer the divine clarion call and the only account we have to give is: "Errm, I was about to…"? Isn't it unsatisfying for someone with lesser knowledge, gift, talent and ability achieves what you've always dreamed of but, never got to start. God has deposited in us powerful potentials beyond our mortal imagination; we only have to tap into it.

 

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Having said all these, let's drive into 2014 at a neck-breaking speed! We've got to paint the coming year red with our achievements. What are your resolutions for 2014? Mine's having a positive mind, what's yours?

REALITY CHECK #11 - LOVE SEASONS

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Very few and significant things make me nostalgic. The end of the year is one of them. The chilly dry morning and evening breeze, the smoked atmosphere from burning dry bushes, the fog that fills the air with particles, participation in carols, festivities, promos, decorated trees and homecoming. The whole thing just tickles my heart with so much love, I catch myself smiling a lot not because of what someone said or did. I feel like I'm in love with someone most times this season is present.

After we spend most of the year worrying, being angry with how much is not yet right with our lives, with the things and the people we care about, I hope we can take chill pills and love the moment. Remember that life is short, not necessarily for us, but we can just love. Forget about the inadequacies and short comings and imperfections, just love. If that person didn't live to see the next year, would you regret not showing as much love? Let go and make room for new beginnings. This is a note to self.


I look forward to star gazing...it's been really long I did that and its best with someone you care about
if you want to try too. Oh, this season just warms my heart.

Live. Learn. Love
Thank you

REALITY CHECK #10 - LOVING UNLOVABLES

I concluded my last post with the law of love. Yes I said it was straight forward enough but I didn’t say it was piece of cake especially the loving others part. This is not about the ‘not doing evil to other people’ part of loving others but loving the unlovable parts of other people.

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People can be unlovable sometimes as in really unlovable. Most times people we might be stuck with for the rest of our lives that we can’t do away with are the ones unlovable. They just make it hard for you to love them. They have something they do out of habit that pains your heart every time they do. You’ve tried to talk them out of it and you don’t want to be a nag anymore, but they’ve not stopped and it is still annoying. You just don’t see any reason why they can’t reason to change; it just seems like the common sense that is not common to them. It annoys you and hurts you. May be giving them some distance would help and guarding your heart with some massive fort but the slightest hint of their hurtful habit hasn’t escaped the corner of your eye.

Well, let me be straight about this. Don’t EXPECT people to change, HOPE that they would. It seems easier said than done right? But think about it. When you expect someone to change, your mind seems to focus full attention on their wrongdoings and that’s a lot of emotional energy. It drains you of happiness with that person; you get disappointed anytime you see they have not. When you hope that a person would change you are accepting them with their shortcomings and just the way they are, your reception transcends to them and they appreciate by behaving themselves around you most of the time. They feel placed on a pedestal, but don’t EXPECT them to stay there. Just keep doing your part of hoping they would change in your thoughts, in your words and actions towards them. You may have to do it forever, but it would help you cope better and makes you a better person. 

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Rather than fighting them to change by all means and causing strains in relationships with them, stand with them. It may be embarrassing; against the values you want to exhibit, and against all moral standards. Just try not to pounce on their person in your approach of correcting the behaviour and in the time they want to feel accepted, not depriving them of it may help.

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This almost looks like gibberish to me and there are exceptions to all I’ve written. Don’t apply this if you are about to get into a romantic relationship. If you are going into a relationship especially marriage, please make sure you are ready to live with every bad and good you see, every difference, every habit make sure you are okay with them through seasons. Let’s save the world from broken homes and marriages ;)

REALITY CHECK #9 - LOVE FOR CHRISTMAS

It's December 1st and it feels odd to post this *covers face*

The only Nigerian Christmas ‘love song’ I’ve ever heard is one that taunts me. I don’t like songs that make me envious of the person singing or the person in the song. Well that particular song is ‘All I Want for Christmas’ and I was just looking for a Nigerian Christmas song o, not necessarily a love song, when I stumbled upon it.  I liked everything about it, but the message started taunting me a lot ‘A lover for Christmas’. Then I’d start hoping I’d get a lover for a Christmas gift and be anxious that yet another Christmas has come without a lover. Arrggh! Just the thought sef .

Yes! It’s so good loving somebody and that somebody loves you back. But when there’s no physical special somebody in the category that you can love, loving you and you loving back nko? You can’t kill yourself na. What do you do?

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A romantic relationship in whatever level is usually over hyped. I mean, I’m married; does that make me a certified responsible citizen? Check the news. Relationship or marital status doesn’t mean a person does not remain who they are good or bad. We tend to think people who have attained active relationship status as peaceful, beautiful, loving, innocent, responsible, rich, et cetera. We just attribute good traits to them and the opposite traits to those who are not. STOP PREJUDICE! And check the news again.

So what do you do when there’s no special person to love you or for you to love? Obey God’s law. Love the lord your God with all your heart, mind, strength, and love your neighbour as yourself. It's straight forward enough.

The next post I may do on romantic relationships may be reasons why I’m not in one.

Watch this space!

REALITY CHECK #8 - WAKE UP!

After we have dreams we wake up. So when you have that big dream to do this, to become that, do you wake up? Waking up does not necessarily mean putting an end to that dream but it means doing what you have to do. We wake in the morning, go about our day, and then return to dream at the days end. So you dream, live the dream or work it out, then go have another dream. That simple? Nooo.

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Dreams don’t get fulfilled just by saying you have a dream, you have to do something about it, the same goes for prophecies, it just the way you go about it that really matters. Who are you putting in the lead, and what assurance do you have, who or what do you trust in to make this dream a reality? Most times reality can be interpreted as the opposite of a dream. Dreams have to be processed to become reality. Dreams come true (Another cliché right?), but you have to wake up to see them come true.

Waking up may mean going out of your comfort zone or discomfort zone. It may mean building the character you need for that dream to come true. Knowing if it is real il est if it is from God and trusting God almighty to lead you by keeping him in the lead. This involves not worry and trying to put everything under your control. 

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Sometimes waking up means some careless abandon, but you’d rather throw yourself into God’s arm in careless abandon. He’s the only one who is able to be, do everything and more. It means sold out, setting sail. Oh that reminds me, if you’ve not read my post on setting sail here it is. That post helps this post. 

Would be back.

REALITY CHECK #7 - APPRECIATION

By PHILLIPS OLAYANJU

“The economy is damn too bad. Everything is cost. Na wa Oooooooooo”

This is the line I hear everywhere every day. The line I once whined. Everything was topsy- turvy...life was an ebb and flow...nothing seemed constant...my life was oscillating and vacillating and guess who I blamed it on? The economy! I mean I was trying everything to make ends meet and nothing just seemed to work right. I soon discovered the benefit of appreciation and my life never remained the same. I got something worth a million dollar and I’m going to give you just a little out of my money. (Can’t spare much, the economy is bad).

It has been rightly said and proven that a negative personality and attitude attracts negative people and in turn, negative things. Ever woken up one morning and you feel the world’s burden on you? You keep grumbling and complaining, muttering, enraged by your debtors, rushing out of the house with a stone-hard face hoping to make some money and eventually, you make nothing! How frustrating?! You see, you aren’t just losing money; you are losing the joy given to you by the force behind the universe. 

We all know that towards the end of the year, everything including some people’s life and finance comes to a halt. You ask me, where is the joy in it and I’ll tell you: “The joy is the pride of seeing another economic meltdown”. Weird huh? 

Between the beginning of the year and today, you really don’t want to know the fate of those who looked better off than you but are nowhere to be found today. For every situation we complain about, there’s a person complaining of something worse and for every situation that person is complaining of there’s a worse one and so on.

It’s left to us to either keep complaining about our unproductive situation or to see the silver lining in every cloud and become productive. 

Note: “No matter how much you complain, it wouldn’t change your circumstance. Rather, be grateful that you are hale enough to turn things around.”

As we said in our last series, your approach to problems determines the product of your effort. Someone once said that if you can’t appreciate nature, you can’t appreciate others and if you can’t appreciate others, you can’t appreciate yourself.

Happy Thanksgiving.                                                                                             

Phillips Olayanju

REALITY CHECK #6 - HOW MUCH DO I COST?

I like to start with an apology and then appreciation. Sorry, I really don’t like writing and it might tell on the way you read this. Ok? I only think, act and share. ...bear with me. Secondly, I like to appreciate the CEO of the blog for giving me a chance to be a better writer... and also to the readers because I know you won't really mind my style of writing but the message being passed across.  

Ok. To the business of the day, how much do I cost? Sounds strange right? Like some kind of commodity or something. Well... Either I like it or not, I have found out that just like commodities one continues to trade one value for the other.  

Hmm... that doesn't go down well I guess. 

All my life I have been paying so much attention on personal value creation, especially making "me" valuable enough to people (family, friends and society). I have been so much into it for a while now, only for me to realize that it comes with paying a premium price. Hmm... 

Being a relevant person in the society as always been my profess-ion, especially each time I'm asked the famous question, - what do you want to be in future? - even back then in high school. Yes! that reminds me, I actually started out with the dream of being a pilot since I didn't want to join the BRT wagon, oh, I mean band wagon of  "I want to be a doctor". Anyway, I gave up because I was running away from calculations. Poor me! 

In short, I have found that just like there are steps to being a medical doctor, there are steps to being relevant to my society. I have identified that to be relevant, I have to be of great value to my society, to be of great value, I have to really stand out, and to stand out I must pay the premium price because standing out really isn't free.  

To conclude, why do you think big companies wouldn't mind paying heavily to get Fela Durotoye or Leke Alder  to speak at their training? I know they are not trying to show off, its simply because they've got stuff. 

So , how much stuff have you got? and how much do you worth?