Naked? Ashamed?

Shut Up! And let me concentrate on this. I’m too lazy to reach for the radio and turn it off. Guess I’m stuck with it till I’m no longer distracted by it. This blog is supposed to be about my thoughts, experiences and so on like it right? But in the quest to grow audience I guess I’ve digressed from the core of this blog.

Since I’m a blogger, you should expect me to be and have the impression that I’m rich, humorous, witty, fashion conscious, articulate, eloquent, really pretty or hot, have fun friends and all that. The truth is that if you meet me right now, you may be disappointed that I’m not all that and I’m not sorry.

I have the ideal concept of myself; it lives with me every day but in my mind  and not in my face. So what about the real me?! A twisted… what do I call it… sapling? No! Not the way you think, I’m not incoherent, but a young person torn between what I am and what I should be, my past and my yearning to undo things done, to get some people out of my life and trying to fix those I want in it. You see, quite twisted right?

The experiences and environments I’ve passed through have been large contributors to the present me and it has been a mix(beautiful imperfection right?). Ninety per cent of these environments and experiences are not what I wish for, and I’ve taken this unconscious ‘oath of secrecy’ habit along with me all through these years and I’m done with it right now!

I’m coming out from hiding from examination, tired of the unnecessary shame I feel from the truth of my life, tired of caring about what people think about my life so unconsciously avoid sharing it with anyone at all. I’m coming under the examination light not caring for opinion.

Bare and naked that’s what I want now, break down every wall, strip every covering away and examine my life in its nudity and without barriers. That’s how God sees my life anyway, in His eyes I can’t hide under or behind anything.

Get the lights and mirrors Adeyinka it’s time to get naked. It won’t be so comfortable at first (Wonder why, because I’m quite very comfortable with my physical nudity) but I’d stay there till I am and won’t leave even after.

(Wanted to get pictures, but I don't want it to be mistaken for porn so I'd have it pictureless)

If you still don’t understand what’s going on and wondering what the eventuality of this would be, you don’t have to because I’m trying to survive and keep my head above this overwhelming state. I’m just offloading the things that have made my heart heavy and hoping it feels lighter. Till I post the next thing.

 Take care of you.

Mjady

Familiar Strange Feelings

Yeah! 

It’s back, that feeling I get when I’m browsing through the profiles of my secondary school mates who are my friends on facebook seeing how far they’ve gone and what they’ve done, that feeling returns. 

I feel a little desperate, a little older, a little bit of fear of what would become of me if I don’t deliver.

 I feel like I’ve been sleeping while the world is moving on and forward around me leaving me behind, I feel like I have to do something greater and bigger, something that could get me into the limelight. 

I feel ashamed of my age.

I hope I take this as a challenge to myself. To be the best that I was made to be. To persist and persevere, until I see what I desire, I can always do better. To make my heavenly Father proud in the little and the mighty I do, and also to set the world blazing too.