REALITY CHECK #15 - MISTRESS TENDENCIES

DISCLAIMER: This is not a personal confession or true story, but a fictional expression of the writer's imagination.

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The last thing I want to be is ‘the other woman’. What happened to the single guys? It seems all the good guys are taken! Now, some of these taken guys are not watching themselves, they are beginning to sound emotionally unfaithful to their partners and they are not taking caution. Won fi nkan ti won o ni je, run mu (They are playing with what they don’t intend eating). I’m really wondering what’s happening.

We meet somehow and become friends, you are taken and I’m not, in fact I’m not scared you are going to be asking me out so I feel quite safe, no strings attached and very harmless. You find me interesting as I do and we begin to share experiences, knowledge and interests. In fact that is great, I’m gaining advancement from our association and seeing you as someone I could learn a lot from. We spend time that seems rather quality and sometimes quantity, what would I rather do? You have become a good friend of mine. You check on me when we are not together, probably after we've parted from being at the same place. I feel I’m accountable to someone, but another thing seems to show up, something I’ve probably not noticed or waved off thinking it impossible with you…Chemistry? No Way! I’m in denial, then I fill in the gaps and make up excuses to justify that it is not what I think.

Then, the calls, context of concern, wishes and care given get me wondering if your partner knows about me and our ‘friendship’ or if she really exists because you never mention her or anything about her, unless I ask. You sound more content and comforted from your worries by the sound of my voice or words of encouragement. You take my opinions and advice seriously above any other. Now it’s alarming! Does she really exist? Or am I gradually becoming your other woman? Am I gradually allowing an emotional affair here and ignoring the tendencies? OMG! What’s happening? I’m beginning to smile replaying my day in my head with you having ninety five per cent of appearances in the scenes. NOT THE OTHER WOMAN! NOT THE OTHER WOMAN!! NOT THE OTHER WOMAN!!!

Are these the thots of a lady seeing mistress symptoms?

“Let he who thinks he stands, take heed lest he falls.”

REALITY CHECK #14 - LIFE AFTER DEATH (MADIBA)

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Yesterday, while I was waiting to get an okada to start my journey to CDS someone approached me with an evangelical tract that was titled with the question ‘Is there life after death?’, the guy asked me the same question as he offered me the tract, I told him yes there was and turned down the tract telling him that I was not interested bluntly. He was really bent on me finding out from the tract or at least sharing a scripture with me. I laughed on my inside seeing him struggle with his persuasion techniques, he didn’t play his cards in the right order, only if he knew I read Psychology.

But yes, I was serious with the life after death ideology, probably not from the angle you are expecting. Yes there is life after death. Life goes on after your death, but it would either go on with or without you. Some came to earth, died and still live today long after their death. There surely is life after death. Me and clichés, you choose to live or die after your death. You choose to leave legacies, indelible inventions, names, victories, achievements, freedoms, and histories long after you’re gone. The world may or may not celebrate your death positively, but somewhere somehow; you live or are dead every day after you are gone, through the things you left behind or not.

Another who would continue to have life after death has gone and I conclude in his very words

“The sun shall never set on so glorious a human achievement”

Adieu! Madiba

Long Live Nelson Mandela

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Live.Learn.LOVE

REAKITY CHECK 13 - The power of vulnerability

REALITY CHECK #12 - PROCRASTINATE YOUR DEATH

by PHILLIPS OLAYANJU

DISCLAIMER:THIS POST DOES NOT ENCOURAGE ANY FORM OF CHARM, INCANTATIONS AND ALL OTHER FETISH THINGS.

Hello there,

It's been a rough year and with the way most people are talking about death and its ominous manifestation, I think it's worth a thought. How would you feel if someone walked up to you telling you that you can prolong your stay on earth without any form of charm or vodoo? Oh yeah, you certainly would be interested as I would. Really, no one wants to die at an early age before his potential accomplishment but death would certainly come it's only a question of 'when'? Is there a way to shift the day of doom a bit forward?

So, I've always wanted to write something about people and their idiosyncrasies. I came in contact with a lot of people (especially death procrastinators) and I've always felt the urge to write something interesting about them but, as you probably know by now, I'm a death procrastinator and I postponed it till I was invited by a friend to contribute to her transformation of people  through my pen. I was forced to get up to do what I ought to have done months ago.  If you haven't read it, I think you really should here. I'm indeed indebted to her.

 I'm guessing there's something special, something interesting you've always wanted to do; someplace you want to go; something you badly want to achieve before your death. Is it playing a musical instrument? Learning a trade? Producing a movie that would outlive you? Writing that intriguing book?  Visiting that place you see in your dreams? Accomplish that feat no one has ever dreamed of? There are endless possibilities and unimaginable things you can achieve if only you'll listen to that voice that keeps telling you: "come on, come on, you can do it. Just try. Don’t think it’s impossible. People may laugh at you but what do you care? When you leave your name in the sands of time, when you achieve your goals, they'll come running to ask you how you did it. Then you must answer, 'I only listened to my heart'"

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Well, as they say: "Death comes like a thief in the night" and like I'll say: "The fear of death is the beginning of fear itself" .Wouldn't it be pitiful and unsatisfying if we answer the divine clarion call and the only account we have to give is: "Errm, I was about to…"? Isn't it unsatisfying for someone with lesser knowledge, gift, talent and ability achieves what you've always dreamed of but, never got to start. God has deposited in us powerful potentials beyond our mortal imagination; we only have to tap into it.

 

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Having said all these, let's drive into 2014 at a neck-breaking speed! We've got to paint the coming year red with our achievements. What are your resolutions for 2014? Mine's having a positive mind, what's yours?

REALITY CHECK #11 - LOVE SEASONS

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Very few and significant things make me nostalgic. The end of the year is one of them. The chilly dry morning and evening breeze, the smoked atmosphere from burning dry bushes, the fog that fills the air with particles, participation in carols, festivities, promos, decorated trees and homecoming. The whole thing just tickles my heart with so much love, I catch myself smiling a lot not because of what someone said or did. I feel like I'm in love with someone most times this season is present.

After we spend most of the year worrying, being angry with how much is not yet right with our lives, with the things and the people we care about, I hope we can take chill pills and love the moment. Remember that life is short, not necessarily for us, but we can just love. Forget about the inadequacies and short comings and imperfections, just love. If that person didn't live to see the next year, would you regret not showing as much love? Let go and make room for new beginnings. This is a note to self.


I look forward to star gazing...it's been really long I did that and its best with someone you care about
if you want to try too. Oh, this season just warms my heart.

Live. Learn. Love
Thank you

REALITY CHECK #10 - LOVING UNLOVABLES

I concluded my last post with the law of love. Yes I said it was straight forward enough but I didn’t say it was piece of cake especially the loving others part. This is not about the ‘not doing evil to other people’ part of loving others but loving the unlovable parts of other people.

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People can be unlovable sometimes as in really unlovable. Most times people we might be stuck with for the rest of our lives that we can’t do away with are the ones unlovable. They just make it hard for you to love them. They have something they do out of habit that pains your heart every time they do. You’ve tried to talk them out of it and you don’t want to be a nag anymore, but they’ve not stopped and it is still annoying. You just don’t see any reason why they can’t reason to change; it just seems like the common sense that is not common to them. It annoys you and hurts you. May be giving them some distance would help and guarding your heart with some massive fort but the slightest hint of their hurtful habit hasn’t escaped the corner of your eye.

Well, let me be straight about this. Don’t EXPECT people to change, HOPE that they would. It seems easier said than done right? But think about it. When you expect someone to change, your mind seems to focus full attention on their wrongdoings and that’s a lot of emotional energy. It drains you of happiness with that person; you get disappointed anytime you see they have not. When you hope that a person would change you are accepting them with their shortcomings and just the way they are, your reception transcends to them and they appreciate by behaving themselves around you most of the time. They feel placed on a pedestal, but don’t EXPECT them to stay there. Just keep doing your part of hoping they would change in your thoughts, in your words and actions towards them. You may have to do it forever, but it would help you cope better and makes you a better person. 

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Rather than fighting them to change by all means and causing strains in relationships with them, stand with them. It may be embarrassing; against the values you want to exhibit, and against all moral standards. Just try not to pounce on their person in your approach of correcting the behaviour and in the time they want to feel accepted, not depriving them of it may help.

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This almost looks like gibberish to me and there are exceptions to all I’ve written. Don’t apply this if you are about to get into a romantic relationship. If you are going into a relationship especially marriage, please make sure you are ready to live with every bad and good you see, every difference, every habit make sure you are okay with them through seasons. Let’s save the world from broken homes and marriages ;)

REALITY CHECK #9 - LOVE FOR CHRISTMAS

It's December 1st and it feels odd to post this *covers face*

The only Nigerian Christmas ‘love song’ I’ve ever heard is one that taunts me. I don’t like songs that make me envious of the person singing or the person in the song. Well that particular song is ‘All I Want for Christmas’ and I was just looking for a Nigerian Christmas song o, not necessarily a love song, when I stumbled upon it.  I liked everything about it, but the message started taunting me a lot ‘A lover for Christmas’. Then I’d start hoping I’d get a lover for a Christmas gift and be anxious that yet another Christmas has come without a lover. Arrggh! Just the thought sef .

Yes! It’s so good loving somebody and that somebody loves you back. But when there’s no physical special somebody in the category that you can love, loving you and you loving back nko? You can’t kill yourself na. What do you do?

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A romantic relationship in whatever level is usually over hyped. I mean, I’m married; does that make me a certified responsible citizen? Check the news. Relationship or marital status doesn’t mean a person does not remain who they are good or bad. We tend to think people who have attained active relationship status as peaceful, beautiful, loving, innocent, responsible, rich, et cetera. We just attribute good traits to them and the opposite traits to those who are not. STOP PREJUDICE! And check the news again.

So what do you do when there’s no special person to love you or for you to love? Obey God’s law. Love the lord your God with all your heart, mind, strength, and love your neighbour as yourself. It's straight forward enough.

The next post I may do on romantic relationships may be reasons why I’m not in one.

Watch this space!

REALITY CHECK #8 - WAKE UP!

After we have dreams we wake up. So when you have that big dream to do this, to become that, do you wake up? Waking up does not necessarily mean putting an end to that dream but it means doing what you have to do. We wake in the morning, go about our day, and then return to dream at the days end. So you dream, live the dream or work it out, then go have another dream. That simple? Nooo.

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Dreams don’t get fulfilled just by saying you have a dream, you have to do something about it, the same goes for prophecies, it just the way you go about it that really matters. Who are you putting in the lead, and what assurance do you have, who or what do you trust in to make this dream a reality? Most times reality can be interpreted as the opposite of a dream. Dreams have to be processed to become reality. Dreams come true (Another cliché right?), but you have to wake up to see them come true.

Waking up may mean going out of your comfort zone or discomfort zone. It may mean building the character you need for that dream to come true. Knowing if it is real il est if it is from God and trusting God almighty to lead you by keeping him in the lead. This involves not worry and trying to put everything under your control. 

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Sometimes waking up means some careless abandon, but you’d rather throw yourself into God’s arm in careless abandon. He’s the only one who is able to be, do everything and more. It means sold out, setting sail. Oh that reminds me, if you’ve not read my post on setting sail here it is. That post helps this post. 

Would be back.