REALITY CHECK #5 - ATTITUDE

I knew I was going to be writing on attitude soon but somehow I wanted to resist the temptation to make it sooner. I knew one thing, I didn't want to sound like...forget it.

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I wasn't sure how I was going to put it, until my day happened and I was heading home. I boarded a taxi to Mokola from Bodija, I sat in the passenger seat and soon the last passenger joined us. The driver said he liked my shoes, I said thank you. Then the last passenger asks for the fare then he replies '40 bucks'. My lips curled into a smile Ibadan taxi drivers don't say 'bucks'. I noticed his mild road rage as he chided a sashaying pedestrian crossing the road. Then I noticed his hand, his right palm was deformed, leprosy I guessed. Soon he began singing...

'It's gonna be good,
It's gonna be good in the morning
God has given us an assurance
That everything's gonna be good'

A song that gave me a nostalgic feeling. My siblings sang it a lot when we were way younger, a song of hope.

There he was, so contagious. The last passenger joined him in singing and made a remark when the taxi driver chuckled about it, he said "Did you think you were going to be the only one enjoying the song?" I caught myself smiling again.

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He attended to alighting passengers with courtesy. As we approached the last bus stop he honked his horn at another pedestrian, greeted the man loudly and politely. The last passenger asked that the man must be someone the taxi driver knew, the taxi driver affirmed saying the man was of great help to him when he the taxi driver was a goal keeper, almost getting him to travel abroad to continue his football career before the accident he had during a football match, leaving his hand deformed, that's why he's driving a taxi now.

As I alighted it felt like the polite thing to say was 'sorry' or 'what a pity' but deep down that was not what I felt. This man was no taxi driver on the inside. I wanted to ask his name and number, I felt like telling the world about him, he had practically preached a gospel to me right there in his car for less than ten minutes drive. Hope, joy. I paused as I watched him make a turn, I was almost crossing my arms, amazed by this unusual taxi driver who had the attitude. Choosing the way to respond to life.

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REALITY CHECK #4 - COMMITMENTS

I don't know how come, but yes I'm as busy as a bee. My life is overfull with activities, obligations, and responsibilities that I chose and didn't choose. Let me give you a quick run down of the major ones:

1. NYSC PPA that takes time as traveling to Lagos from Ibadan to get there
2. NYSC special CDS
3. Two service units in Church
4. Blogging
5. MAD network
6. Tutoring
7. ODC
8. Handmade fashion products
9. Running errands and house chores
10. Caring for four little children who happened upon us suddenly. (Don't ask how)

They are TEN in number. Okay! Those last two points I tell you, are the most gruesome. This is the part I'm glad I don't have a BF who gets angry that I've not called since I woke this morning or one that wants me to talk with him first thing in the morning, Yaay! Oops! Did I just make romantic relationships sound like a burden? My bad

How can one person have these activities happen every week? Hey! There are a lot more people who have much more on their plate anyways. Did I say I chose some and I didn't choose some? Yes I did, but no that's not true. I chose it all, I chose to respond to all and make myself available. Spreading myself thin and less effective. If I concentrated my attention and efforts to a fewer things, wouldn't my impact be felt better? How far do we go multitasking on a broad spectrum of mental and physical commitment? I end up stressed every night and wake up to the reminders of the stress the new day would bring. Everyone in the different areas of my commitment want my 100%. They'd always do, through their unilateral view of my life, I probably have nothing else doing.

Today I finally put number 6 commitment to an end. No, not abruptly, I gave them an advance notice, that I wouldn't be doing this anymore that I had to choose, that I have the choice, but I'd make my choice easy for them to bear with and maintain good relations with them. This was one activity I persevered at despite setbacks, inconveniences and overwhelming everyday stress.

No matter the sense of self development we may think we would get from the bodily sacrifices of being workaholics,
I stand to say the world has practically moved from just hard work to a lot of smart work. You choose what you commit to. Please be clear of sentimental judgement when deciding to commit to anything at all.

On a lighter note, when it comes to romantic relationships I think guys are commitmentophobic.

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REALITY CHECK #3: PESEVERANCE

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Almost did not know what topic to have a reality check on today, and was at the brink of saying I was too tired to write, then it hit me PERSEVERANCE! Hmm…how long does it take before you give up, throw in the towel, or lose interest? When you change something you have been doing for a while does it actually mean you have given up on that?

I remember my first job, I felt exhausted the first day I resumed. Settling in was kind of boring, and waiting for someone to put me through was not interesting at all. I got my head into the job by end of the first week and by the end of the first month I was overwhelmed by the sameness of everyday and breaking down by its stress. I did not spend more than six months on the job, though not for sentimental reasons but for the mandatory one year service to the Nation.

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Now I don’t want to recount the causes, the volunteering programs, the business ideas and businesses, the relationships, and cultivating of good habits that I may have balled out on.

They say Perseverance is steady and continuous action or belief, usually over a long period and especially despite difficulties.

Wait! How long does it actually take before you can say you have persevered at something? Does perseverance mean staying in a situation that totally an impediment to your breakthrough and you know it? Does perseverance mean being the receptor in an abusive relationship? Or does it mean inflicting physical and emotional pain to the less threatening subject continuously just to teach them a lesson or two? Does perseverance mean putting up with the same things that cause offence just to prove that you have forgiven? Does it mean the deception and manipulations just to get that significant other shut the door against the world and stick to you like glue? Does it mean refusing to change that character that has hurt everyone close to you and anyone who tries to get close? Does refusing to make change happen perseverance too?

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When do you know the time has come to stop persevering at something? When do you know it’s time to move on? Should you even move on? Some people spend their whole lives on the same spot, in a vicious cycle, repeating the same things and returning to square one. Wise men have interpreted this as insanity or living dead. Sometimes to me this perseverance thing means staying in some comfort zone and refusing to sail out, take risks and live. Sometimes it means staying in a place to rot.

If I change my decision to keep doing something they’d say I’m lazy, I’m shirking responsibilities, I don’t have a long suffering nature.

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Hmm! I have a lot of questions as you may have noticed.

Is perseverance a virtue?

Is perseverance the law or the exception?

REALITY CHECK #2 : TALKING ABOUT OTHERS

You can call this series random, the year is closing and if opening the next is intended for a change, then thoroughness is needed to make change a reality. This series feature the ugly truth, you can be truthful and start becoming a better person just like I desire, this is not some morality movement. It is real people, real issues and real living. The pictures are to stimulate the topic from other angles.

Straight to the point. Do we all talk about people behind their backs? I need real people here please. Sometimes it's not a juicy gossip that is not your business in any way, it could be about the incessant bad behavior exhibited by that family member of concern, or about the attitude of that acquaintance that we say that we don't care about but the fact that we are talking about it for that long and the way we are is just betraying us.

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Is there any form of talking about others that is healthy? Someone may have done something that I didn't like and I felt that I should share the experience with someone else. Is there some DIY for talking about others that would not cause a strain in relationship, peradventure they hear your discussion? Nobody feels good about being discussed about except they are being empathized with or praised in a significant way.

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I try to think about myself as someone who doesn't gossip about others, but I may be talking about the person with someone really close to me, and the person discussed about may be another close person. What if it's a serious matter that the person needs to change. Or she's just sharing too and I totally agree and share my similar experiences with the same person in focus, or I pass some cutting remarks which are the truth anyway.

But once again I think, if this person heard everything we said, the way we said it, would they continue to be in good terms with us?

REALITY CHECK #1: COMPETENCE

My imaginary self at a job interview thinks it’s a privilege if anyone has me working for them. You know, I’m a Girl Of All Talents, I’ve got a lot of potential, I can be the best and in fact I want to be the greatest at what I do. Who doesn’t want to be? Or isn’t somewhat egocentric about what they do?

Most times employers want to recruit, even if it’s you who wants to recruit, amidst all the requirements on the CV, you would want someone who can do the job well measuring against a standard, especially ability acquired through experience or training.

I saw the definition of competence lately and I really had to ask myself if I was competent and at what and what can I perform well measured against a standard and is my ability acquired through experience or sound training. I didn’t think of this reality check just to write a piece on work lifestyle or attitude to work, but that’s an easy way to communicate the message.

What does competence really mean? For a few seconds ditch believe in yourself mantra. Can you take the inconsistencies, ineffectiveness, inadequacies, cheesy excuses, and the problems you create at your job or business from someone else? If you were going to recruit someone to assist you with your workload I’m sure it’s someone who is more than up to the task you would want.

Are you in denial? You don’t think you are incompetent, well it’s your boss, some customers and colleagues that have the problem, and they are simply haters. I hope so. Try answering

What can you do really well and almost without thinking much about the task?

Would you be able to produce the desired results with a dash of excellence in the task?

John C Maxwell said “If you think you can do something that’s confidence, if you can do it that’s competence”

Knowing the truth about yourself and your inadequacies would you employ you for that job or hire you for that service you render if you were the employer or client and be glad you did?

We may have formed the habits of not developing ourselves and deceiving people about our competence, we set traps with false confidence just that we get what we want to eat from them…

Are we now predators?

40 DAYS LEFT : REALITY CHECK SERIES

Hello there! It's been a while and I've been MIA is cliched among bloggers nowadays I'm wondering what going on in the blogging community. Well, the year is gradually closing as we have just 40 days left in it. I thought to do something that would keep us introspecting and telling ourselves the truth about some things.

So it's going to be posts on having a reality check on issues in our lives. A forty day journey I'm hoping everyone can gain from. Tell someone about it, share your thoughts as in comments, and if you have a reality check issue you would love featured here just email me adeyinkaadefemi@gmail.com
If you are going to be making new year resolutions next year, you had better be doing so on a good note you know what I'm saying.

Watch this space.

Poem : BE LONG

We long for connectivity
Yet we refuse to admit to it
We betray our masks of bravery
When we cry underneath
What do we lose?
Our well groomed adulthood?
What do we gain?
In the end we lose the pain.
It comes through vulnerability
Not afraid to be ashamed or admit
Not afraid to be naked or cry
Not afraid to be fall or be a child.
What we find instead
Are other children who want to be our friend.

Viktor Frankl: Why to believe in others, Best Memory Vitamins

Hello there! I didn't upload any write up here through out last week because I was busy trying to put a seminar together for yesterday. It's come and gone and was a huge success (More on that loading). Today, I just have a little something I think you should start your week with. It's another video to inspire from someone with whom I never came in contact physically, but has better shaped my school of thought in knowing the 'meaning of life'. If you still don't know him please google Viktor Frankl. After all he went through I can say he was full of life. This less than five minutes video featuring this man teaches you how to evaluate people. Watch. Learn. Enjoy while I've done that and want to better Live. Learn. Love Have A Great Week Ahead.

Failing All the Way to Success: Jason Njoku at TEDxEuston

Someone actually made a comment saying every Nigerian should watch this video and consume it, so I finally decided to share with you here. Apart from that this speech by the owner of IROKOtv breaks every wall of traditions that may have been erected in the mind. I found similar experiences I could reckon with, learned being real would make the world unable to recover from my breakthrough and some other things. Please post comments on this blog on what you learnt from Jason Njoku's speech. Go ahead and enjoy it!

The Gift of Blindness: Cobhams Asuquo at TEDxEuston

The last time my brother visited, I kinda found myself confessing some stuff I had taken from his laptop. He ignored the obvious and asked me if I had seen Cobhams talk at TEDxEuston, I hadn't and I had it in mind to do so. I finally did and I must confess it's something I would like to listen to and watch every day and I think everyone else should. He delivers on 3 strong philosophies that I think would help you live a more purposeful life in careless abandon. Enjoy!