REALITY CHECK #27 - We should all be feminists BY CHIMAMANDA

I always lovde this video, not because Beyonce  just featured it in her new album, but because it is a strong point on REALITY CHECK. You should watch and find out what it was, then state it in the comment box here. Enjoy!

REALITY CHECK #26 - A CRAZY YEAR'S LESSON

WRITTEN BY - @zedtells

2013 has 13 more days to wrap! If I am asked to describe the year in one word I would say crazy! It was a crazy one for a lot of reasons; I stretched myself beyond my limits, I dared to dream and I did see the dream come alive, this makes me smile all the time as I have surprised myself.

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My crazy year started with a crazy idea that wouldn’t let me sleep for many nights. I had been posted to serve during my NYSC at a school with a fundamental challenge which unknown to the school management was affecting the student’s performance adversely.

The Challenge:

When interacting with student’s I was assigned to teach, I never failed to ask the question “What do you want to be in future?” my rational behind asking was to deduce if they really had an interest in the class they were placed or the subjects they were being taught. For every 10 students I asked I got 8 students who stated professions that were not related to the subjects they were studying currently. The most shocking one was a student in art class who wanted to be an Electrical Engineer but wasn’t given the chance to enter science class because his mathematics was relatively weak. This situation wasn’t new in the Nigerian educational system but it made teaching very difficult. Standing in front of a class with a chunk of uninterested students, is like trying to break concrete with a hammer which is a frustrating task.

My Solution:

I decided to come up with an e-career alignment program offering career advisory service to students using the tool of technology to discover the interest of students and suitable careers for them. Also bringing experienced career counselors to interact with participating students.

Some Feedback:

The career edge day was great I learnt a lot from the professionals who came to speak especially the counseling session gave me a better understanding of a career path in accounting. – Oludele Esther

The program was well packaged and I’m excited as I learnt a lot from the aviation counselor. I’m looking forward to a great career in aviation – Olanrewaju Ope

Following up on the participating students I observed a significant rise in their academic motivation and 70% of them had it easy getting promoted to the next class.

It wasn’t an easy feat considering this was an unfamiliar terrain but something kept pushing me to continue. Perhaps it was a drive to see proof that my unorthodox method could yield tangible result. All the logistic challenges didn’t deter my effort, and I learnt some very clear lessons:

·     
    You can only fix a problem when you take time to understand the root cause. Most times the solutions we adopt are a temporary fix to the problem which is for a while it doesn’t nip it in the bud.

·         Nothing is achievable with unachievable mentality. I ran into diverse challenges trying to execute the project; my major challenge was getting my stakeholders especially the school management to understand how important this would help resolve the poor academic performance they were currently experiencing as a school.

·         The education sector needs a lot of revamp and we have a responsibility to realign the odds for the younger generation.

·         You don’t know how capable you are of a thing till you try.

·         Satisfaction comes from helping people discover their personality, potential and igniting their passion. Olanrewaju will be entering aviation school next year this makes me very glad as there would one child less in the wrong profession in the next 5 or more years.

·         In helping others discover themselves I discovered myself. No impact is too small!

I may be one of the few who dared to dream and saw it come true this year. But I am genuinely disturbed when I listen to people talk that about splendid ideas that would make great impact even to an industrial level but have done nothing about it. Nursing ideas for years and doing nothing is a dangerous game to play more like gambling with potential seeds.

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Although the year is gone it is important to begin to prepare the sheets for 2014. Start with writing down that one thing you always wanted to do but have procrastinated for years. Is it a book? Publish it, a business? Start it, a certification? Get it. Whatever it is it’s never late to make the most of life and no one is responsible for your dreams but you!

This is my learning point this crazy year.

REALITY CHECK #25 - THE SYMBIOTIC MARRIAGE

“A lazy person is as bad as someone who destroys things” The Bible says so in Proverbs 18:9. I want to discuss this in the context of marriage. A life partnership meant to be signed for life, what percentages are you looking at?

Fast rewind to Biology class in either SS1 or SS2, do you recall Symbiosis? Yes, an INTERDEPENT living of organisms of different species and there are three types commensalism, parasitism, and mutualism. Once again let’s use this in the context of a marriage relationship. We can define marriage as the INTERDEPENCE of two persons (of opposite sexes) and their lives backed by their decision and the society’s recognition for them to do so.

Parasitism would be an interdependence that causes harm to one and fully benefits the other. This is a harmful kind of marriage. One gives all and loses all while the other receives all and gains all. Can you already feel the pain in that?

Commensalism would be an interdependence that may fully benefit one and cause NO HARM to the other. One partner may give and give, but doesn’t really lose anything as the things given do not take anything from the giver. The receiver gains benefits that could also gotten by the self. In this case, their lives have no much difference apart, they are no better together, they can achieve what their being together offers even while alone.

Mutualism is an interdependence that brings about mutual benefits. The two persons are better off together, there is much gain in their togetherness, and they survive conditions of extremity and danger to their existence better when together. They are worse off apart or separated.

A lazy person is as bad as someone who destroys things. This is just to point those who have been unfair to their partners to rethink and decide to do right. In my opinion commensalism is the gateway to parasitism. Every marriage should aim mutualism or what do you think?

Live. Learn. Love

REALITY CHECK #24 - THE CONTAGIOUS CANCER AFFECTING CHILDREN

Traditionally, we have been brought up to think that verbal abuse helps to put a child's behavior in check and helps them to correct themselves. I think this is mostly found in the Yoruba culture, I've heard Yoruba mothers say so. I observe mothers say unspeakable things to their children in the name of correction. Please

stop it! A mouth that spits evil reveals the evil abiding in the host and will breed evil mouthed offspring. Adults are the ones with the problem, the cancer they pass on to children with every seed of verbal abuse they plant in children. 

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There's totally creative ability in your tongue, because the mind is very suggestive when you call a child a stubborn goat for something that his young and developing brain is to blame, you are telling the child to be a stubborn goat. So the child would obey or you may continually see the behavior of a goat instead of the child's. We have to be very cautious and handle children's inadequacies with maturity, don't let it get to you. If you have to start name calling then it has gotten to you. And most times we don't get to verbally abuse a child just once, once you pop, you almost can't stop. You would keep doing this, till it is instilled on the child's subconscious 

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Sometimes we think when children are able to walk, talk and do a few other things themselves, their brains are developed enough to think, recall, observe and decipher things like adults can. No! Not yet. The brain actually takes longer to reach maturity than you think. Remember when you thought that the moon was stalking you, swallowing a seed would make a tree grow on your inside, and that rain drops were in a sprint competition? That's right! You barely remember, but that's the way it is with them now. 

Verbal abuse is always a negative reinforcement, it creates a weak link to learning the desired behavior. Give positive reinforcement to a child instead, by understanding and positively appraising, forgiving, focusing on good behavior and encouraging, trusting them. You would be filling them with good stuff and they know how to appreciate that.

Live. Learn. Love

REALITY CHECK #23 - BURST THAT PERFECT FAMILY BUBBLE

Michelle always thought her life was perfect though she didn't know much about life. On her turning Eight years things started to change for the better for her family. They moved to a bigger house, and it seems her mum is really going to get that bike she had always fantasized about owning as she journeyed to school everyday. Her mum just got another transfer at her work place and the last holiday she spent with her mum at her station was complete bliss. Mum wanted her to continue school under her care, Yipee! Now she kept her excitement inside as she had shown enough on the outside already. They journeyed to mum's new station in that nice and latest car that mum said God provided for her. Michelle's joy was full

As they danced along with the car moving slowly over potholes and gallops driving through what looked like a residential area, Michelle couldn't help guessing if every street and beautiful house they slowly approached was going to be their new home. Mum interrupted the music playing , "How would you like to get a big teddy bear next?" Michelle gave a big grin. The surprises where now in overdose, she had long forgotten 'teddy' her brown fur less companion and almost the only toy for years, since um came home with a snow white fluffy cutie she immediately fell in love with.

"Thanks, mum" she responded almost halfheartedly as she continued her search, but mum continued

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"You remember Uncle Yusuf?"

Her smile lightened up as the name rang a happy bell. The last holiday at mum's station, mum had a lot of young people sharing the flat with her and Uncle Yusuf was so much fun to be with. "Yes!"

"He got you those gifts, the teddy bear, toys, books..."

"God bless Uncle Yusuf"

"Amen, he's a very nice man she bi? You could call him small daddy you know, his nephew Dan calls him that"

Michelle's brows kissed "But I have my own daddy?!" Bewildered at mum's request

"I know, just 'small daddy' don't you think he deserves it?"

Michelle's silence said a lot as she pondered on what she just heard

Why do I have to call Uncle Yusuf daddy? What is happening to mum?

Can you guess what's happening?

REALITY CHECK #22 - HELP! MY TEEN IMPREGNATED ANOTHER!

Before it looks like I’m speculating about the obvious, there are some things that just eat me up when I see them.

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I wanted to buy pap at a local’s house one of these days, and the pap seller’s daughter who packaged what I’d be buying seemed to be at least six months gone and she was obviously a teenager, it also seemed like she had stopped school telling by the time of the day and the period it was in the school calender. I couldn’t help but imagine the event that could have followed after she was found out. The heart break, interrogation, anathematization if any at all, and resolution. I wasn’t bothered that they seemed to be at peace with her condition now, at least one’s child can’t be so troublesome to the extent of offering the child to lions for lunch. But I was bothered if they saw any of the problems that caused her getting pregnant and wanted to do something about it or let it pass.

Just like we have seen or heard about classmates of our elder ones that got pregnant and left school, friends of friends that got an abortion, our own classmates that got pregnant too, there’s one I’m not sure if she had an abortion or had the baby. And we have been shocked by the realities, gossiped about them and felt untouchable by such circumstances.

The first time I was inspired to take a stand concerning teenage pregnancy was just about this time eight years ago. And finally taking vivid steps towards it now, I got talking with someone and he asked if the people that this societal ill affected the most saw it as a problem? I had thought about that before then I had to think about it again and to be sure,

I need objective views. You may have seen instances of complacency, disdain or pain with respect to the subject, or it may have affected you one way or the other.

So let’s do some role playing here. What would you do as a parent if your teen got pregnant or impregnated another?

Do the people most affected (i.e pregnant teenagers, the impregnator, friends and family of the former) by teenage pregnancy think it is a problem? Or am I in another world seeing problems where there are none?

REALITY CHECK #21 - SPOTTING OR SOLVING PROBS, WHERE DO YOU FALL?

I think it's high time we take a stand for change and not just cheap talk. John C Maxwell said there is a difference between problem spotting and problem solving. The average Nigerian can spot problems and argue inexhaustibly about it. Let's ask how far that has got us, ehn? 

Let's be problem solvers in every little way we get the chance to and don't get the chance to be. Let's think, talk and think. Let's spot the problems, think and work to solving them. The status quo has got to end, aren't you tired?

Me I am o and I want to Take A Stand, Make A Difference. You nko?

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Live. Learn. Love

REALITY CHECK #s 18, 19, and 20

Three in one! Hey!
Nah, it's not that bad. This is a sign of a new me trying to follow through with something I've committed to

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do. Irrespective of the setbacks like bad internet network, exhaustion from the day, and writer's block I find myself here every night trying to upload some reflective musing of mine to keep up with what I've decided to do. Talk about perseverance. I don't want to keep going over the same things again and again. So that's #18.

#19 - Spontaneity, for me is very spontaneous. I wouldn't call myself a spontaneous person in any personality assessment, but sometimes I make resolutions and stand by them in the twinkle of an eye (I enjoy it and find it strange at the same time Weird right?!)This series is a product of one. My decision may be spontaneous doesn't necessarily mean the thoughts that lead to the decision are always so. Before you jump into conclusion and decision again, think about it.

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#20 - It's exactly Twenty days to the end of the year. Now, I recall what I want to develop into my personal mantra, 'God has not given me the spirit of fear, but he has given me the spirit of power, of love and of a sound mind'. In the absence of anything to say we should learn to be silent. Lingual caution. The mouth can sometimes be very distracting. I'm identifying moments and situations my mouth could be the setback and asking God for a wise tongue that rightly applies what it knows, you could try that too ;).

With heavy eyelids...
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REALITY CHECK #17 - I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF HIM!

Nowadays it seems the TV won’t switch from MADIBA’s channel. Learning more about his life from the documentaries showing on the channel, I’ve been awed as to what manner of man Nelson Mandela was. I would not pretend that I’ve read all ever written about him and I've known him like the back of my palm prior to his death that has made his life more conspicuous, but I would like to say he reminds me a lot about Jesus Christ.

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And talking about Jesus Christ, after I watched the movie Pay It Forward I somewhat agreed that people who get to do really extraordinary things that shake the world to its core, don’t get to live for so long. Nelson Mandela’s life has reduced the degree to which I believe that a great deal. This evening in my room sitting by myself I wondered how, who taught this man what to do, who helped shape his perspective? Then I found out his view on the Bible, the book that helped him through his years in confinement. Ah! No wonder! He thought the Bible to be a useful tool, and yes he’s right we’ve all seen it’s true. Nelson Mandela’s life is an epitome of love; it’s all wrapped up in love.

There are few things that I want to point out from his life

First, Selflessness is the way to go. This man gave everything for what he believed in, a common good, the heart of God for all his children. And he left all to commit to the cause, not minding it may cost his life.

Second, his humility is something I’m still trying to wrap my mind around. He had well channeled pride, to his heritage and the things that made him who he was. And was able to let down his pride in ways that disarmed his enemies, I think commendable is an understatement in this aspect.

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Third, sincerity and transparency, he remained true to his beliefs in equal treatment of all men, installing and instilling peace, forgiveness and love in everything he said and did. Never spiting or retaliating is evidence that it emanated from within. He remained true to what he stood for, the people, and in NO WAY did he trade them for himself.

Fourth, this kind of life is sooo rewarding. Sincerely, no business venture can singularly boast of the returns that being sold out (for the cause that others would greatly benefit them) can bring. This is not about money speaking; Mandela’s life brought the world to him, gained access to greatest things in the world and became the celebrity of celebrities.

Let me stop here!

Nelson Mandela’s life proved that a message is rather caught than taught. It is easily embedded that way. That was how Christ lived and he did so that we would emulate him.

“Arise, Jerusalem! Let your light shine for all to see. For the glory of the LORD rises to shine on you.

Darkness as black as night covers all nations of the earth, but the glory of the LORD rises and appears over you.

All nations will come to your light; mighty kings will come to see your radiance.”

The world celebrates Mandela for a life well spent, not everyone would get that opportunity, but we should never miss opportunities to make God famous.

Live. Learn. Live

REALITY CHECK #16 - RETHINK CHANGE IN AFRICA

For everyone who is passionate about seeing an advanced Africa and a new dawn, bringing about change and a transformation. I dug this out, watched and had a reality check that I want you to have too. Somehow it makes me feel like going back to school. I really need to know what I'm in for if I want to make a difference, it's not for the feeble minded. His speech has made me reflect on the shame we've had for leadership especially in Africa over the years. Is there ever going to be a change, based on the realities surrounding us with some incumbent leaders ruling in some countries for long overdue years and other shameful scenarios we have? The corruption that has eaten so deep and wide like a terminal sickness? And so many other issues.
Do you totally agree with George Ayittey's views in this video? Please watch and share your thoughts.


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