5 Areas You Need To Be Compatible With That Prospective Lover.

Sometimes when I say love is not enough in marriage, people think it strange. But there are lot of issues that can affect love relationships and the so called 'LOVE' won't stand a chance. When love is doing you gish gish,  it may not be so easy, but you have to try and  shine your eye weh weh, so you won't wake up one morning shocked at yourself for getting married to the wrong person.

I believe the best time to do a lot of talking is before you get into a romantic relationship, I guess you started out with the "Let's be friends" line majorly because you want this to be real, and you wish it would last forever in marriage. It sure helps you to get things straight and study (Without sentiments) the degree to which both of you may be compatible. Chatting for a few hours and jumping to the conclusion that "We have a connection" and "It feels like we have known each other for like forever" is an appearance, those are just feelings and believe me feelings are not reliable.

5 Areas You Should Be Surely Compatible

1. Religious or Spiritual Beliefs: You have to be sure both of you share the same beliefs or you are okay with what the person believes and don't mind raising kids with them. If you think this would pose a future family issue you better think again.
2. Finances: You certainly don't love the person because of money yes, but do you think you are okay with the person's financial habits. How seriously does the person take the issue of his/her financial future? And not because of what he/she has but because of who he/she is, is the person a financial asset or liability?
3. Sex: Yes! What do you want sexually before and after marriage? Does it tally with what the other person wants? So even if the relationship doesn't lead to marriage in the end you are not left feeling violated in this aspect.
4. Having Kids: Oh yes! This has proved love wrong in a lot of marriages and turned them sour. Don't just assume this partner in question already agrees with whatever you have in mind. How many do you want? When do you want? Do you even want? What happens if kids don't come when you expect or how you expect? Please people, talk about these things!
5. Achievements: Before one man marries you and your law degree ends up in the kitchen, discuss your goals. Is the prospect comfortable with how far you desire to go in life? What are the prospect's aspirations? Are you comfortable with them?

So I have a question for you. 

Jack meets Jane who no man would pass by without giving a second look. He approaches her, and they get acquainted quite easily as friends, he desires a romantic relationship with her, but during their many discussions he discovers she doesn't like children at all and does want to have any around in the future, while he wants children running around in his future home. He also perceives her as a vain spendthrift, but they have great chemistry going on like he has never felt with anyone else. If you were Jack what would you do?

Would You Just Take Me As I Am?!

I've tried to present issues on 'Understanding in the family', to know what people go through when they tread paths and they feel not even their family is involved in the journey in an encouraging manner.

Understanding in the family is very crucial as it mends our relationships and we can always accept the person of each family member especially if we ourselves are accepted by them. When people who are not our blood relations accept us beyond how we may have judged ourselves we start to think of the as 'Family'.

Have you ever felt like you had to fix your the mind set of your family members? Then you need to read this post from an inspiring blogger named Julie Fidler, the name of her blog is 'Amazed By Grace'.

I really have to share this here, though it borders on mental health, it centers on 'Family Acceptance' and has a lot of points I'd like to pass on and drive home. Let's promote love from our homes because "Charity begins at home".

Read Julie's post here.

SOS: Where Are My Eggs?

I remember that particular vacation day from the term that I clocked Thirteen years in secondary school, settling down in the back seat of the car beside mummy as we travelled home. I really can't remember what she was busy doing, but I tried starting a conversation.

"So mummy, i'm thirteen now, you can tell me all those things you think I should know now."

She almost didn't look at me " What do you mean?"

I giggled, she was being coy "What do you mean?" Her face almost expressionless

"I'm serious mummy, we can now have mother and daughter heart to heart talk on what a girl my age should know naw?"

She didn't say anything

"Mummy naw," I persisted

Then she said that gibberish that meant I should leave her alone ( I don't know what language I could write it, or if it starts with a consonant or vowel) but in plain english it should be the equivalent for the short word 'shoo'.

And I did since then, I shut up. I wanted a fresh opportunity for both of us to start bonding, not like I didn't know what girls my age should be taught so as to stay on the right path, my mind had always been more advanced than my age like most of us born in the computer age.

It's like ten years down the lane now, any opportunity she finds in a conversation, or if she realizes one of my friends I may have just mentioned in a conversation is male, she'd start questions and talking about things that I wanted us to talk about ten years ago. I don't reply her with that gibberish that I can't spell or say the english equivalent, but sometimes I remind her of that encounter and she says she doesn't remember. Most times I get satisfied by not satisfying her curiosity.

What's my point here? Most times parents tend to ignore the emotional needs of their children, because they feel they are faced with more important life issues as parents. Then when some kids do find their answers in the wrong places, and events that point out that the child's innocence has been broken to their parents' oblivion occurs, parents then realize that kids grow up really fast. And one day, they may wake up to find an empty nest and that their offsprings are really gone.

I'm not here to spite my mother, (Hmmn! I love her to pieces) but to remind all parents, tell all intending parents and present children that we all need a strong parent-child bond to learn, live and love. We need it to stand on shoulders, also to learn from experience and example alike.

So now, I try to open up to my mother, hoping that she can put a little trust in what I've grown up to become and not see me as ten years younger than my age. Because I know it is TRUE that no matter the new clothes a child has amassed, he can never have as much used clothes as an elderly person. That's a Yoruba proverb I just interpreted.

Can I have your thotstoshare on this?



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Refuel and Refire

Life may have happened in ways that make us aim lower or reduce the measure of what we desire, because hope deferred makes the heart sick.

Sometimes when we do not see the quick manifestation of what we desire we think it's because we have been too greedy in asking or God's resources aren't enough. But God is more than enough to do more than we ask or even think according to the power at work in us

There is a power that works in us to bring our desires to reality. I. call it unwavering and undaunted FAITH.

Get refueled and refired to become who and get what you desire at the end of the year.

The Power Of Relationships

Someone once told me that the most important thing in the world is RELATIONSHIPS. Was I surprised He didn't say God instead? Yes I was, but I thought about it.

Relationships don't always have to start as they would end, they are very flexible and can take the turn of events.
Relationships can open doors or slam them shut.
Relationships could be very fragile in certain settings and you would have to treat with care.
While in another context it is the source of the contempt experienced.
Relationships determine what decision would be taken on a cross road.

Is this beginning to look like a poem?
Well,  they are just my thots on relationships today.

Mjady

Life's A Gift

To start a day is a gift,
It's a gift to end it also.
We get so used to the monotonous living,
And take for granted the fact that we're still existing.
Live this day like there's no tomorrow,
Prepare your tomorrow like today's all you got.
Weird that the first thing to cross my mind hearing of another's demise is 'Life goes on'
That truth it is.
Life would not stand still for the death of another.

No matter who dies...life goes on.

5 Tips On Being An Exceptional...

We are irredeemably social as humans and love to interact, so we build relationships. There's a Yoruba saying that goes, 'Humans are like water courses' so we part to meet and meet to part.

Have you ever found yourself having difficulty someplace you are not too familiar with, and then someone you knew or knew you somewhere else comes into the picture to save the day? That's the value of the littlest forms of relationships built.

The reasons you should build relationships is not because you want favors or to make money from them, but because you can build a dependable bond, learn humility, and add value. So how do you do this?

Be friendly to people you see everyday, greet them, you may be lightning someone up for the rest of the day with just a smile. It's a good way to increase your circle of friends, and make peace.

Integrity, try to be sure of what you say to be true and stand by it. People don't like to deal with others whose words and will waiver. Be decisive and assertive.

Pay Attention, be observant of people's needs, they are opportunities for you to offer value. This way you teach yourself to be desired by others. People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.

Be down to earth, even fake people don't like to have fake people around them. Don't be in the clouds of eloquence and brilliance all the time, bring it home, speak pidgin if you can't speak their local language. Abeg! No forming. Let others find it easy to relate with you and your experiences no matter what side of the  divide you're on. Let them think you exceptional, not strange.

Last but not the least...

Be receptive: Make others feel wanted and relevant by receiving from them. Ask questions, for directions, how to do things and receive gifts (according to your discretion). People around you feel good to know they can add value to you also.

PS: I'm on this journey too.

LIVE,LEARN,LOVE!

Mjady

How To Or Not To Propose.

WARNING: Long but interesting post ahead.

It's that time of the year again, that time they call the 'Season of Love' (Sorry, I'm not a big fan). I guess this particular day records the highest number of marriage proposals every year. You know I'm talking about Valentine's day.

Last year, one of my secondary school seniors got a proposal on the radio on Val's day (The guy proposed to her on radio, just in case you don't understand) it was mushy...you know...and it worked for her, they married in December.

When you see 'I'm not a big fan' of Valentine's day, it does not mean I'm a hater (maybe just a table fan LOL), God knows I'm a romantic, I just don't show it.

Maybe one of the reasons why I'm not a big fan of Valentine is because my romantic relationships have not lasted till Valentine's yet. But seriously, the thing that makes Valentine not tick for me is that I may be expecting something if I'm in a romantic relationship and I hate expecting, because it is synonymous to extreme apprehension or (God forbid) an OCD for that thing I'm expecting.

Marriage proposal is an overwhelming experience especially for ladies, guys should not think that ladies want marriage so bad, they don't care how you ask.

We ladies are the ones who like to talk about the proposal stories. Tiwa Savage's birthday party cum proposal this week, was what got us gisting about how we like or do not like to be proposed to. The following are the views of ladies who could not resist the juicy gist that morning, just before the work started weighing.

Mjady
I would not like a proposal on a day I'm expecting surprises, like Val's day or my birthday. It won't work for me, my mind would have gone far and wide about what, how and where the surprises would come from. I'd like it innovative and unexpected, but not overboard.

Yem
I hope I get a proposal on Valentine's day, it would be so lovely. I just want to hear those words.

ML
He proposed on one of our outings, I was not expecting it. We were on a boat cruise and that was all I was excited about till we got to the middle of the ocean and the boat stopped. I was wondering whatever may have happened while he feigned trying to pick a call and bringing his phone out of his pocket. The next thing I know is, he going on one knee with a ring in his hand...*gasp*

Tomy
The first proposal I received was at the airport, I was returning from a trip. I was approaching my boyfriend who was supposed to receive me when I saw him go on one knee, I was totally embarrassed. I accepted, just to avoid embarrassing him in front of that crowd. After that day, I declined his proposal because I was not ready for marriage, but we remained friends. Years after that we were in a romantic relationship again and he proposed in a better way this time. Our marriage is almost two years old now.

Desy
Any day is special for a marriage proposal in my opinion, the guy should be creative with his 'element of surprise' and make it special for his lady.

*I wish this was a disclaimer but Mjady, is single Yem  is dating, ML is engaged, Tomy and Desy are married.

Now it's your turn to share your thots.

It Takes Courage To Live

On Monday morning this week, I was reading a CV that didn't seem like the owner should be applying for the post of a driver. I would have thought him an executive (Just by his dressing) if he didn't open his mouth to say he was applying for the job vacancy. If I was HR, I don't think I would have had liver to employ him as a driver. I can't help thinking what unfortunate factor caused his present situation. But that's not what breaks my heart.

Waiting to be called for final test driving, he makes a call and at the other end of the line is the most beautiful voice I've ever heard. "Are you back from school?...Do you have any money with you?" He asked.

"No" she answered. He mentioned something about her going to meet someone then the call ended. He excused himself to use the convenience...I got teary eyed.

The thing is, it's not everyone that has to courage to live after life throws a big stone into their stable pond. I don't know what office this man held before coming to apply to be someone's driver, but what one thing I know he has is 'Courage'. That is what makes a man do something about the suffering of his family, throwing aside pride, ego, and shame. Not every man does this, that I'm sure of, so I celebrate the ones I see.

Cheers! To this man of courage.

NB: This is not his picture.

 

The Parable Of Leverage.

Once upon a time there lived a very great teacher, he had great wisdom and performed signs & wonders. He also had ardent followers he called 'disciples' and sought to teach them as they lived from day to day. He taught his followers and listeners mostly in parables but one day he sought to teach them in a practical class.

They were on one of their crusades, he had taught and ministered to them, it was getting closer to dusk and he perceived the crowd that had been with him would be hungry by now. His disciples perceived alike and said to him to send the crowd to nearby farms and villages to feed themselves, but the teacher refused and asked them to do something about it. Though he knew what to do.

One of the disciples said "Even if we worked for months we won't get money that may feed this multitude." Another disciple found someone's lunch, five barley loaves and two fish, just after the teacher had asked what they had and for the multitude to be numbered "But what can this do for Five thousand men?" He wondered aloud as he handed them over to the teacher. 

The teacher asked his disciples to get the multitude seated, when that was done he lifted the lunch and his face heavenward and gave thanks, then he broke the lunch passing it on to his disciples to serve the multitude. Everyone ate, when they were satisfied, the teacher asked the leftover be gathered. When the leftover was gathered it filled twelve baskets. Once again it was another wondrous work, but did they learn the lesson?

This is the parable of leverage; using what you don't own to get what you want.

I hope you can read between the lines too.