Turn The Lights on,Let's Talk about Sex.

Up late because I'm browsing, being nocturnal comes easy. At a point I turn on the online radio and tune to a local radio that I had always loved from childhood, the one that gives me nostalgia the most. And you know it's late in the night and the programs airing have to do with matters of the heart kind of thingy, relationships and all the things involved. So the radio presenter is discussing about differentiating sex and love making. I was glad when she said that what she was saying was meant to be practiced in the confines of marriage, thank God! Some radio personality somewhere is promoting proper lovemaking in the right context. So people have been calling in and they've all been men. And I've been wondering if there would be any female caller on this program. Listening to the view of some of them, it's quite clear that men are quite difficult to redeem (Forgive me). They have reduced love making to sex and almost nothing can convince them that it should be only in the confines of a marital union. This takes me back to remember one of my friends whom I was gisting with (and you know how gist is now), when he said it I just didn't know what to do. Not verbatim but he said "Sex is like a physical exercise that should be done at least once a week...How would I not have sex in a week?!" Is this how this beautiful gift from God has been reduced? Please are we hiding from the fact that majority of people, even in the church, don't believe that sex is not meant for the unmarried. Are we hiding from talking about our stand on sex more openly? And making assumptions that they should know the truth? Yaay! I think I hear the husky voice of the first female caller who had woken from her sleep probably because of the show, but she doesn't even recall what she wants to say *scoffs* As I was saying...It also reminds me of having a few friends over and one of them (a guy) throws a question which one would we all prefer, to have our kids before marriage or to get married, wait a while before having kids? My answer would have been 'Are you considering the first at all? But the other guy just did me a favour by giving a quick answer about marriage being honourable with the bed undefiled. Perfect answer? You can say that again. More men have been calling in and been saying the truth that is to be told and I'm glad. But I'd like to ask why? Why lovemaking has been made reduced to nothing but another activity to subdue the other partner? Are we putting the issues about the act in and out of marriage under proper examination light? Are married couples open enough about the challenges they face in lovemaking in order to build their marriages? What's your take on this? Oh! A woman is calling, but her call is changing the direction of this program, it's a serious issue she's facing right now. I'm done here. Don't forget to leave your comments. I'm off to sleep.

FASHION IN CHURCH

The way of life characteristic of a particular person, group or culture is a lifestyle. Strange I’m starting this write up this way, but you would get to understand why as you read on. Scanning through service and studying by observation what different people wear to church and what does their appearance show to those observing like me. (Don’t get me wrong, I don’t go to church to assess other peoples’ dress sense, but for once let’s just take a look at it). It goes from shabby, to fashion faux pas, the ‘okays’ then the fashionistas. All of these categories have both decent and indecent dressers. Less I forget there is another category and that is what I call the ‘Glory glow’. You know, there are some people you see in church and you feel like saying “Oh, Sister you look glorious” and you mean what you said even if you don’t know them. Yeah! That’s because something beyond their dress sense that makes them appear appealing.

When the controversy of how people dress to church comes up, we hear statements like ‘God is not looking at the outward appearance but is looking at the heart.’ Yeah, that’s true because God himself said so in 1 Samuel 16:7 and he said it to Samuel himself when Samuel wanted to anoint one of Jesse’s son. So when you stand in front of that mirror (That’s if you stand before one) dressing for church, what’s on your mind? It’s not a pity most issues like this place emphasis on the female gender; it is how our maker wired us. What do you think of when dressing to church? How to show all eyes at the day’s service that you rock? It’s a holy day and you should not offend the eyes that are officiated to scout for offenders of the dress codes and conduct of the church, or you just have to look shabby because you think it enhances your humility before God.

Your dressing actually reflects some part or even the whole of your lifestyle. It reflects your heart and the kind of person you are. It says whether you are an open, straightforward, cunning, liar, double minded, honest or down-to-earth person. Most people dress to church like it is only on Sundays that God sees what they wear or it is only in the church premises that God sees what they wear. Talk about heart issues. Is that what you think it is? I’m not talking about what we are told to or not to wear in church, I’m talking about our lifestyle as Christians. Being a Christian is not about dos and don’ts being a Christian is a lifestyle that reflects Christ in us. When you dress what goes on in your mind? Do you see yourself as a cast away, a slave or as one loved by the almighty Father? Do you see yourself as one not worthy of the Father’s love and appear as one far from the Father or as one basking in His love.

As God sees your heart, man sees the outside. Yes! God is most important person to please and man should also be considered because being obedient to God also involves living peaceably with men. So please do not call for offence deliberately with your dressing, but beyond the physical go for God’s pleasure in you.

I like to think myself as royalty when I dress, not because my name speaks royalty but because I bask in the love of the King of Kings who has made me his child and in his likeness. So how does royalty dress? They do dress in a way that speaks about who they really are, where there are from and what they do?

If you are assured of your person and position in Christ I believe this should guide your style. Are you dressed like a love child of a love God? Are you dressed like it is in Christ you walk, live and have your being? Are you dressed like you are born of God and do overcome the world?

I’m not here to give advice on the unnecessary details of your style, but I’d just say that you be honest and be sure God is pleased with you because it does reflect to the outside. Let Christ be the core of your lifestyle.

My name is Adeyinka Adefemi, beyond my father’s name I would like to be known as Adeyinka Omooba well that’s because I’m the child of the most high King, I’m heavenly royalty and my name says I’m encompassed with His royalty. Nice meeting you too, so until next time I’d take a cue from my elder brother and say “Stay Beautiful”.

Live And Learn

On Saturday, I attended the wedding of a couple that graduated from my school and fellowship, seeing faces, greeting, and catching up with alumni and present members of my fellowship, also meeting new alumnus. Well, it was like a reunion and that’s how it is in the circles I had in school, we share the love very well.

Okay! So one of my friends who finished the same session I did was catching up and asked how life after school was.

“It’s a learning process” I replied “It’s like another school and I bet it so much more fun learning this way than in the ‘four walls’.”

I did not rehearse what I’d say if I was asked that question, in fact I was not expecting to answer any question of the like. My answer humbled me and since then I kept pondering on it and knew I had to write a blog post about it.

I really love to learn but I really hate the pressure of school too. I wouldn’t say I’m book smart at all, I do not have a competitive strength I’d rather do what I can, I’d rather just let what’s within flow. I really hate to struggle to succeed when I do, I rarely succeed, when I put extra effort I don’t see the difference to no effort at all. So in the four walls I’ve had the highs and lows (I think the lows were predominant). I’ve had moments when I ruled and was undisputed, also had moments when I was with the band wagon and anonymous. I really hate reading just to pass, but the system I found myself in doesn’t really work that way so I have to read to pass instead of learn. Through my numerous failures and my few moments of success and fame, I have learnt. I have learnt best in an environment that does not restrain my mind and its power.

Right from those I watched graduate from primary school, valedictory had always emphasized ‘facing the outside world’ and painted it evil and grim to be feared, and everyone in it was a suspect (I’m too sure you don’t agree). Someone who addressed us while I was still an undergraduate mentioned that there was no real world outside there, because the buildings are not built upside down, so we shouldn’t live with the mindset that things are totally different when we leave school and make it an excuse for not cultivating the right habits.

Learning in life’s institution of learning is NOW, because you are in a continuous process of existence and that’s why you are a ‘being’. Learning is progressive because life is. You may have to retake some classes but staying on the same spot without a single change would mean death because the only things that are stagnant are dead things. Plants don’t move but they grow up and wide.

One of my spiritual prowess teachers in secondary school always emphasized that the examination of life has no time table and it stuck in my heart.

Life is a learning institution that presents things to us to teach us to be prepared, because it does not herald its tests season, order of subjects or even area of concentration. Your will is the pen used to write the answer (which is your decision) to life’s questions and the consequences you get tell of your performance.

So I’m learning, trying to pay attention to what life brings my way, sorting out what to keep and what to discard. Acquiring new things and improving old ones. I want to have fun learning from life whether times are good, bad, happy, or sad, I choose to live and I choose to learn.

Naked? Ashamed?

Shut Up! And let me concentrate on this. I’m too lazy to reach for the radio and turn it off. Guess I’m stuck with it till I’m no longer distracted by it. This blog is supposed to be about my thoughts, experiences and so on like it right? But in the quest to grow audience I guess I’ve digressed from the core of this blog.

Since I’m a blogger, you should expect me to be and have the impression that I’m rich, humorous, witty, fashion conscious, articulate, eloquent, really pretty or hot, have fun friends and all that. The truth is that if you meet me right now, you may be disappointed that I’m not all that and I’m not sorry.

I have the ideal concept of myself; it lives with me every day but in my mind  and not in my face. So what about the real me?! A twisted… what do I call it… sapling? No! Not the way you think, I’m not incoherent, but a young person torn between what I am and what I should be, my past and my yearning to undo things done, to get some people out of my life and trying to fix those I want in it. You see, quite twisted right?

The experiences and environments I’ve passed through have been large contributors to the present me and it has been a mix(beautiful imperfection right?). Ninety per cent of these environments and experiences are not what I wish for, and I’ve taken this unconscious ‘oath of secrecy’ habit along with me all through these years and I’m done with it right now!

I’m coming out from hiding from examination, tired of the unnecessary shame I feel from the truth of my life, tired of caring about what people think about my life so unconsciously avoid sharing it with anyone at all. I’m coming under the examination light not caring for opinion.

Bare and naked that’s what I want now, break down every wall, strip every covering away and examine my life in its nudity and without barriers. That’s how God sees my life anyway, in His eyes I can’t hide under or behind anything.

Get the lights and mirrors Adeyinka it’s time to get naked. It won’t be so comfortable at first (Wonder why, because I’m quite very comfortable with my physical nudity) but I’d stay there till I am and won’t leave even after.

(Wanted to get pictures, but I don't want it to be mistaken for porn so I'd have it pictureless)

If you still don’t understand what’s going on and wondering what the eventuality of this would be, you don’t have to because I’m trying to survive and keep my head above this overwhelming state. I’m just offloading the things that have made my heart heavy and hoping it feels lighter. Till I post the next thing.

 Take care of you.

Mjady

Familiar Strange Feelings

Yeah! 

It’s back, that feeling I get when I’m browsing through the profiles of my secondary school mates who are my friends on facebook seeing how far they’ve gone and what they’ve done, that feeling returns. 

I feel a little desperate, a little older, a little bit of fear of what would become of me if I don’t deliver.

 I feel like I’ve been sleeping while the world is moving on and forward around me leaving me behind, I feel like I have to do something greater and bigger, something that could get me into the limelight. 

I feel ashamed of my age.

I hope I take this as a challenge to myself. To be the best that I was made to be. To persist and persevere, until I see what I desire, I can always do better. To make my heavenly Father proud in the little and the mighty I do, and also to set the world blazing too.

EASTER PLANS TURN OUT…

So! I was out of radar for close to five days, courtesy Easter youth camp. The camp’s location was outskirts of Ibadan and in one word I’m glad I actually camped. If you follow me on twitter and you read my last six tweets or so last two Thursdays, you may have noticed I was on the road. I journeyed to break bounds, I have never gone camping before and this was a big step for me. Talking about camps, well I guess 99% of camps in Nigeria are Christian camps (OK! No exaggerations) 95% just in case some Muslims do organize camps they’d have 2% , for the neutral camps that go the western way they’d have 1% and the other 2% goes to NYSC (National Youth Service Corps) which is mandatory though, I wish it wasn’t. This statistic is not a fact so please don’t take it seriously.

So what was it like camping? I’m sure you want me to stop beating around the bush and go straight to the point.

Firstly, the camp site was a school that is a branch of the secondary school I attended. Guess how I felt? A strange mix of nostalgia and dreadful memories, tell me about it.

So here I was doing camp for the first time ever, had started coming out of the shell and creating a niche, we were going to be in the same room. We got registered, a room, our mattresses, our meal and that’s when I knew I was in camp. The food was okay, in fact good but NO PLATES, we had to bring ours…if you guessed at all you were probably right… I had no plate but a complete set of cutlery! (Someone said I used to behave like Agric).

With this little experience I had at the Easter Camp I’d like to share a few things I learnt, a few tips and so on.

1.       Plan to be smart but don’t expect everything to turn out perfect: With camp on my mind I planned to get the lower bed on the bunk, get a bucket forgotten by a student and always get the best of things provided early especially water, a clean bath and toilet. It turned out that there were no bunks and all our mattresses were on the floor, I got no bucket and had to queue to use any one I found, had to queue to use the bath and don’t really wanna talk about the toilet (It wasn’t that bad though). I shunted every queue that was going to stress me, only queued when there was no queue. Expecting everything to be perfect would break your heart; it’s not your house!

2.       Make friends as you can: Our friends were once strangers and we may meet the bestest of them or our future partners from situations like the ones that go on in camp. Conflicts arising from the pressure on the resources made available are common, don’t get overwhelmed by the attitudes and reactions of others, that’s how best they know to get what they want, instead of reacting to them respond,  you make more friends if you put things on the lighter note too. After camp don’t expect your friends to stick that close, if they prove otherwise don’t fight it if you want them, but be wise about people you make friends with. Expect some really silly people too, if you don’t want them, don’t lead them on but be kind about it.

3.       Be security conscious: Not everyone came with your heart and mind. Avoid taking anything you really don’t wanna lose, showing off wouldn’t pay, if that thing should get stolen please don’t cry. If you wanted to make friends or command respect by the stuff you have within days not up to a week? You should check yourself.

4.       Get involved: If you didn’t want to enjoy the camp, why did you go in the first place? There would be divisions, duties and sub duties in those divisions, sports, kitchen, recreational stuff, variety night presentations. Do something, lead, follow, and participate. I was female leader for my platoon even if it was just for the record and memory of the camp. If you are going to break rules do it unknowingly. Have a good laugh, enjoy the programs set up for you because they were set up for you and again you’re already at the camp it would be immature acting all up that you’re better than what you see, you would be proving otherwise.

5.       Don’t forget the essence of the camp: If you would be attending a camp like the one I attended, it would be better you do not forget the main reason the camp was organized. The camp would have a theme and sessions would treat related issues to the theme. Key into the moment, don’t get distracted if you are there to meet with God make sure you do so.

I did make friends and increased my network via the same means, took only a few numbers I couldn’t promise that much commitment to all, instead I got their social networks contacts and I think that would work just fine.

I finally returned home and to complete civilization last Monday, was received by my mum who gave the news that my immediate senior sister had just given birth to a blessed boy who looks just like his father that morning.

As for my crispy strips I got into the kitchen and saw that my eldest sister had just finished frying the soft chicken I should have used and there goes my crispy strips. Too broke (Oops! Didn’t just say that) to buy another chicken and too tired to mak… abi mo ti se crispy strips ni!

I’m sleeping through Easter Monday in an unfruitful rest. Well that’s how the plans turned out.

Easter Plans?

Easter is coming and around the corner. What are your plans for Easter?
Check mine out.

1. Go camping

2. Make friends and increase my network from the camp.

3. Make Chicken Crispy Strips for Easter.

What are your plans for Easter why don't you outline yours and let's see how far we can go with plans this season.

It's For Your Own Good! (2)

I don't know how you expect me to do this without you. You've decided not to post your contributions to my last post.
Well, what I wanted to say about how foresight is:

Firstly, it is quite natural or normal for us to want to protect the ones we love because we love them and care about their welfare.

Secondly, the way we approach the matter with our foresight is mostly out of panic, And if you know about panic you would know it doesn't help matters.

Thirdly, I don't want to give advice but you should go on a soft pedal if the person doesn't see reasons with you.

Fourthly, this is an advice and you can try it to see if it works 'Don't give the person any advice', even when you're tempted to. So what do I do instead? you ask. Well the answer is simple 'Ask questions instead' ask them in a way that would guide the person into proper reasoning before making that decision.

I have a little story about foresight emphasizing approach.

A mother of six children approached her home one good afternoon. She did not see any of her children playing outside or running towards her to welcome her. She wondered what was happening, she got into her house to find the six of them gathered around something with keen interest, paying no attention to her presence. She tried to get a glimpse of what it was and found out it was a skunk. She screamed that they get out of the way so she could get the skunk out before it released its terrible odour, with the little frenzy the skunk got afraid and before you would say 'jack robinson' the skunk did what it knows to do best. Imagine the outcome. You can imagine the scrubbing she would have done for them all. Imagine a better way she could have approached the situation? Need I say more?

I hope you learn one or more things from here.

Would appreciate feedback.

It's For Your Own Good!

Family...

When I think of how we easily hurt and are hurt by our loved ones especially our nuclear family members, I really wonder why?

When a member of the family is making even the tiniest decision, we seem to want to look out for the person whether they are up or down the family hierarchy (I think you know what I mean). We seem not to want to see the person make a mistake or get hurt or stressed with that decision, so we are out to try prevent the unpleasant things we foresee.

In this foresight lies two issues that could cause strife between family members;

1. How you relay your foresight.

2. How the involved party receives it.

First I would like to know if this is alien to you. And to share an experience if you find this true. How does strife occur between our family members and ourselves when we are trying to protect their best interest?

Let's get this rolling, please share your thoughts.

I'm waiting...

Oh Boy!

Those days you have a lot of ideas running through your head

And you can't let one rest because it has some depth you have to consider

Ignoring the depth would get you uncomfortable

So I do not lose my mind, I let all of them pass and give myself a break.

I try not to worry or be too hard on myself.

Yeah! Today is one of those days.