I Wish That I Knew

By Tolu Onasoga

As a young secondary school leaver gaining admission to the University a lot of mistakes I made, a lot of naive steps I took, a lot of silly mistakes I made, and looking back I wish I was told a lot of things before going to the tertiary stage of my education.

Majorly, I wish I was told of the kind of people I was going to meet there. All I was told was 'Don't keep bad company' but there's more to this as there are a lot of 'good company' that aren't good friends. I moved with good people but 'unserious' ones as this dragged me down at the easiest academic stage of my study. My first result taught me my lesson.

Also, I wished I was told how not to be so nice to people as they rarely ever reciprocate your deeds. Was and still really generous to my course mates to the point of giving out or sharing my last items i.e provisions and money, but when the need arises on my part they turn blind eyes, deaf ears and sometimes, even laugh at me. Painful. Learning to stop.

One other thing I wish was hammered before my advancement to the tertiary institution is me investing a great percentage of my time and resources into 'spirituality'. Hardly prayed or visited chapel of freewill, was almost always forced to until recently when i realized how much I have missed. Now, I strive to make up for lost time and  pray for God's grace and help.

Finally, I wish I was told to stop being such a shy wimpy person. Pushed away a lot of right people and now I wish I didn't. Now, I only have room mates, course mates, neighbors and church mates with no friends. That's not good enough,so i'm changing it.

These are among many things I wish I was taught or at least before hand. Other things are meager, things that I learnt to live with or changed easily or just don't matter. Hope these would be learnt from.
Thank you.

YOU'VE GOT MAIL : The Importance Of Starting Small

During a conversation with a very good friend of mine, I said this quote that had come to be a part of me then - that was about five years back - and I didn't know who actually quoted this quote, but I do today.

"The smallest deed is better than the greatest intention" - John Burroughs

I love this pic and that's thanks to thechangeblog.com . Hi, it's been a while though. Back to my story, some days ago I was having another conversation with the same friend and he reminded me of one of the days and conversations he'd never forget having with me, that I said the above quote. Instantly I felt guilty and happy.
Guilty that I may not have been true to what I may have preached to someone else years ago and happy that I was privileged to feature in someone's story of change and success. I imagined him on a platform addressing a crowd of captains of industry, business moguls or at an award ceremony giving his speech and mentioning my name maybe. Is that cheesy? :)

Seriously now, you could consider this for the week or the whole of your life. We all have dreams whether we think they are big or small and sometimes wish that we'd somehow wake up and find the dreams come true. The truth is, they don't come true by wishful thinking. You have to take a step no matter how little and if possible everyday. Imagine you had a dream of owning a burger company 3 years ago, you watch the news this evening and a new burger company was featured on the business news segment to have a grand breakthrough in the burger business, how would you feel? The best time to plant a tree after ten years ago is now! Or what do you think?

Young Nigerians Who Make Us Proud

Culled from YNaija.com an article by Rachel Ogbu

Everyone is talking about the Nigerian student who graduated with a 5.0 grade point  in the Faculty of Clinical Sciences at the Russian National Research Medical University, Moscow.
Victor Olalusi who for the past three years has represented Nigeria in the University’s Hall of Fame, delivered a valedictory speech on June 27 as the best graduating Student in the Faculty.
According to reports,  Olalusi led a team of other International students from Russia, Italy, Greece, Morocco and bagged the “Best Captain of the Year” award at the University’s annual Quiz competition. His team – International United – won Silver at the University’s annual Quiz competition.
He is also said to have had the best WAEC result in 2004. JAMB Best Science Student (JAMB score 322) – 2006. Cowbell Prize Award – 2006. Medcine First Merit list (OAU) – 2006. Highest OAU Post UME (score – 325)  - 2006. Federal Government Scholarship (Medicine and Surgery) – 2006.

Nation reports:

The year 2012 saw another Nigerian student, Ganiyu  Sanusi bagging the “Best Student of the year” award at the University’s quiz competition. He graduated as the best student in the faculty with first-class honours and a CGPA of 5.0. Ganiyu  Sanusi now works as an Intern in one of Nigeria’s teaching hospitals.
Nigeria-born Alonge Olanike Omotola, who in 2010 represented the country on the University’s Hall of Fame, bagged first-class honours degree in Medicine and Surgery and was the best Graduating student and valedictorian for that year. She proceeded for her Masters Degree at Drexel University, Philadelphia, USA.
Over the past five years, Nigerian students at the Russian National Research Medical University have consistently topped the graduation chat, bagging honours and contributing their wealth of knowledge to the University’s academic status.
These are stories of Nigeria that aren’t about bombings, gun-shots or students protesting for unpaid stipends; and it is as important we talk about them.

Weekend Video: Dont jealous me - Part letter ( Confused Girls)

'Don't Jealous Me' is one of my newly found loves on Youtube, here he addresses 'domestic violence' admonishing the ladies. What's your take on this? Enjoy! It's hilarious. Don't forget to comment here. Thanks

OLODO: The Stigma For Not Knowing

"Olodo rabata
Oju eja l'oma je
Koni lo paper,
Silati l'oma lo
Ore mi ki lo gba
Odo oloju eja..."

If you knew of this song in your childhood, then you're probably smiling or laughing. But thinking about it, why was there stigmatization if you didn't know the answer to a question asked during class? We go to school to know, not because we already know(At least for elementary and secondary education). I remember one of my classmates in secondary school who said I was asking the teacher a stupid question, I retorted that one of the reasons my parents paid school fees was for me to learn the answers to stupid questions too.

All that aside. In our (African/Nigerian) culture do we consider a child's individual ability to learn? Or we just generalize and stereotype the intelligence of children using one yardstick.

*Edidiong is in Primary Four and can't spell beyond the four letter words she learnt three classes behind, and all the Head Mistress tells the new class teacher out loud (Pointing to Edidiong after she couldn't not spell a word she was asked to) is "That's the problem you have in your class o, that is why her seat is separated from the those of the bright ones."

Okadabooks- The Future For Nigerian Reading Culture.

I'm about to sleep but I stumbled on this and couldn't resist doing a post.

I really love Nigerian Literature, I get all hyped up when I come in contact with the creative imagination of Nigerian minds, but it happens that I've not been able to read as much of their works as I desire. Then comes the knight in 'shiny armor', riding on two wheels, who tells me I can get to read as much Nigerian literature as I want on my mobile device.

Now, I'm elated! Meet 'Okadabooks', a platform that is set to raise the reading culture in Nigeria to a higher level, by bringing books to our mobile devices (The major distraction nowadays). I've been browsing their site and I thought I should broadcast them in my little way. Here's an excerpt from their FAQ's page.

"What Is Okadabooks?
It’s a fast, simple and fun way to read books without ever leaving your couch!
Send a text , choose a book, then download and start reading – it’s as easy as riding an okada. It’s book reading, reinvented.
Oh yeah, did we mention it’s cheaper than riding an Okada!
The Idea
Mobile devices have been blamed for the poor reading culture in Nigeria. But rather than criticizing mobile devices and accepting the notion that Nigerians don’t read…okadabooks seeks to harness the power of the mobile phone to make it easier and cheaper for Nigerians to read. At the end of the day we are powered by the belief that Nigerians do indeed read, if given the chance
Why Okada?

The name okadabooks was thought of when the founder was riding an okada in his dreams. He noticed how okada’s were able to by-pass the congested roads of Nigerian by offering a cheaper, faster and more flexible alternative to conventional means of transportation. Today the conventional way of reading and publishing books is currently experiencing a traffic jam from poor distribution to high printing costs. Okadabooks seeks to by-pass the traffic in the Nigerian book publishing industry by making it easy to publish books, making it cheap to buy books but more importantly making it fun to read books on mobile devices! At the end of the day we are driven the concept of Okada."

So that's it. For more answers . In fact just go there and do what I've been doing so far, browsing. Also,
they have the app just for you, don't forget to get that too.

Photo Source: Okadabooks

Amen! It's A Praise Offering.

Our minds are the sentry of the happenstance around us.  Most times we feel symptoms of impending sicknesses or danger or depression. It is when we fear these things and succumb to them that they happen and we forget that we have the rights to allow these things happen or not. So we give up the fight and end beaten up.

What are we to do instead? Put up a fight and focus on our desired state, joy, safety, health and wealth. It may not be easy cause your situation does not look like it, but when depression wants to set in please offer a sacrifice of praise. So when the angels working on your behalf send the message of your desire, heaven responds positively and with immediate alacrity. :)

Girl Talk: How To Keep A Man Interested In You.

You know those situations when a man approaches a woman and she can sense his love interest in her, but at the time she begins to reciprocate his given attention it begins to look like she is sucking up to him and she never intended to. What may have gone wrong? It seems he has lost interest, so how can you or that friend of yours having 'man troubles' keep a man interested in her if she wants. i went searching for answers and this is what I got. Culled from Ezine Articles

"It is a comment that I get a lot from men. How to keep a man interested? What exactly do they mean by that?

How to keep a man interested is to be independent. They like a woman that they haven't completely conquered yet.
Yes, there needs to be closeness and intimacy for a solid relationship. However, the closeness has to evolve in steps. Men get scared easily when it comes to emotions. And some women are in a hurry to share or "load" their emotions. It gives them a fake feeling of closeness.
How to keep a man interested is about slowly divulging your deep personal information about yourself. If you have a troubled pass, if you have been abused, if you had some difficult experience with your ex, or other intense and difficult situations, wait a few months before sharing.
Fill your bank account of love; the currency represented is all the dates and the time that you have spent together. You have laughed, teased each other, and shared happy experiences. Build more of those.
Later, you will have enough to make withdrawals. The withdrawals represent the tough times, the trials, and both of your emotional baggage.
It is important also to be intellectually independent on how to keep a man interested. You need to have your own opinions on situations and on people. It is better to be keen on opinions. And the more you are sharing those, the more harmonious the relationship is.
On the other hand, don't be afraid to express your contrasting opinions. He will respect for it and even more if you are able to defend them with common sense arguments.
It shows that you love yourself and respect yourself enough to be able to affirm who you are. If you respect yourself, he will too. That is how to keep a man interested. If he doesn't, you know what to do; you dump him. How to keep a man interested: Have your own hobbies, passions, friends and social life I am not suggesting here to be out all the time. Spend some time away from him once in a while. Don't share everything, everywhere.
By having your own life and your own time, your man will compete for your attention. This keeps him at the tip of his toes.
How to keep a man interested: Acknowledge what he does for you Not what you would like him to do for you. Or how you would like him to be. Men need to be admired and appreciated for what they accomplish. It could be as ordinary as driving you to work or paying you a vacation.
How to keep a man interested: Don't be jealous and Don't be naïve. Be cool.
Be together.
Self confidence is a turn on for men. This how to keep a man interested.
How to keep a man interested: Let him have his own time Men need to be in herd. This is an emotional need for him. Dr. John Gray (Mars and Venus) says that men are like elastics: the more it stretches away from you, the quicker it comes back to you.
You will keep your man's love interested if you give him some freedom. You will soon realize that he will want to be with you even more. When something is not forbidden, what's the trill?
How to keep a man interested: Fall in love with yourself and he will too Love yourself for who you are. Love your imperfections. That way, you are making the biggest sales pitch.
You won't be easily offended by his possible remarks. Therefore, he won't easily get to you. He will stop. You are easy to live with.
The love stays alive.
Express yourself using "I". Nagging proof. I know that we like to nag. It releases so much frustration and tension. I read everywhere that women nag too much.
But...... I love nagging! It feels so good after!
There is a way to express your frustration without jeopardizing the harmony. Speak using the "I".
For example, if he hasn't called you as promised, you could nag:
"Why haven't called?!!!"
Or you could use the "I":
"I was waiting for you call" or " I thought that you would call. I haven't planned anything else because I thought that you had planned something for us"
Another example:
"Who is that girl that you were talking to, Mr?"
Using the "I":
"I didn't feel comfortable seeing you talking to her"
Yes, it requires stepping on your pride. That is a great way to communicate, release the tension, without damaging the relationship. He knows exactly how you feel (more about men's intuition below). It avoids escalating misunderstanding.
I find that the problems get solved easier using that technique. You keep your man interested.
How to keep a man interested: Let him know what makes you happy. Men are not intuitive. I have had a hard time accepting this. But my life became easier with them.
You need to outline to them what it is that you want. That way, you are enabling him to be your hero. He will feel manly, and, you will win yourself a man. This is how to keep a man interested"


So that's it. Now it's your turn how do you keep a man interested?

5 Areas You Need To Be Compatible With That Prospective Lover.

Sometimes when I say love is not enough in marriage, people think it strange. But there are lot of issues that can affect love relationships and the so called 'LOVE' won't stand a chance. When love is doing you gish gish,  it may not be so easy, but you have to try and  shine your eye weh weh, so you won't wake up one morning shocked at yourself for getting married to the wrong person.

I believe the best time to do a lot of talking is before you get into a romantic relationship, I guess you started out with the "Let's be friends" line majorly because you want this to be real, and you wish it would last forever in marriage. It sure helps you to get things straight and study (Without sentiments) the degree to which both of you may be compatible. Chatting for a few hours and jumping to the conclusion that "We have a connection" and "It feels like we have known each other for like forever" is an appearance, those are just feelings and believe me feelings are not reliable.

5 Areas You Should Be Surely Compatible

1. Religious or Spiritual Beliefs: You have to be sure both of you share the same beliefs or you are okay with what the person believes and don't mind raising kids with them. If you think this would pose a future family issue you better think again.
2. Finances: You certainly don't love the person because of money yes, but do you think you are okay with the person's financial habits. How seriously does the person take the issue of his/her financial future? And not because of what he/she has but because of who he/she is, is the person a financial asset or liability?
3. Sex: Yes! What do you want sexually before and after marriage? Does it tally with what the other person wants? So even if the relationship doesn't lead to marriage in the end you are not left feeling violated in this aspect.
4. Having Kids: Oh yes! This has proved love wrong in a lot of marriages and turned them sour. Don't just assume this partner in question already agrees with whatever you have in mind. How many do you want? When do you want? Do you even want? What happens if kids don't come when you expect or how you expect? Please people, talk about these things!
5. Achievements: Before one man marries you and your law degree ends up in the kitchen, discuss your goals. Is the prospect comfortable with how far you desire to go in life? What are the prospect's aspirations? Are you comfortable with them?

So I have a question for you. 

Jack meets Jane who no man would pass by without giving a second look. He approaches her, and they get acquainted quite easily as friends, he desires a romantic relationship with her, but during their many discussions he discovers she doesn't like children at all and does want to have any around in the future, while he wants children running around in his future home. He also perceives her as a vain spendthrift, but they have great chemistry going on like he has never felt with anyone else. If you were Jack what would you do?

Would You Just Take Me As I Am?!

I've tried to present issues on 'Understanding in the family', to know what people go through when they tread paths and they feel not even their family is involved in the journey in an encouraging manner.

Understanding in the family is very crucial as it mends our relationships and we can always accept the person of each family member especially if we ourselves are accepted by them. When people who are not our blood relations accept us beyond how we may have judged ourselves we start to think of the as 'Family'.

Have you ever felt like you had to fix your the mind set of your family members? Then you need to read this post from an inspiring blogger named Julie Fidler, the name of her blog is 'Amazed By Grace'.

I really have to share this here, though it borders on mental health, it centers on 'Family Acceptance' and has a lot of points I'd like to pass on and drive home. Let's promote love from our homes because "Charity begins at home".

Read Julie's post here.