thotstoshare: A Book I'm Working On.

10^th November 2008.

Woke up around past seven but finally got up past eight. I ended up not doing the free night calls I wanted to. Before I got up from the bed Daddy said something like I should lock the gate after him, I couldn’t because I wasn’t dressed, mummy took my place and I wore something presentable to lock the gate after her when she was ready to go out. I was feeling very lazy and nauseated too because of the cramps. I had my bath and dressed earlier today. Oh! Before I forget the reading for today in my devotional discussed about  serving to be successful not striving or competing to be successful. I didn’t really know where I was standing but I knew I wasn’t competing. I said I didn’t know where I was standing because I don’t know the next step to take about my life but I’ll keep trusting God. I read the stuff  I wrote on a sticky note on the wardrobe door, the words gave me no motivation because I can’t lie by saying that I know my bearing either, but I’ll trust God. I was talking to myself quite much today because I was alone, so it took some time for me to get dressed. I warmed food, ate and almost burnt the rest of the stew, thanks to iya ayo (mama’s daughter) who called my attention to it from outside. I slept filled up and expecting the food to digest from the sleep. I had all kinds of dreams, saw sola in my dream being my brother’s friend (everyone seems to accept him even in my dream). H e did not really want to give me attention, it was like I cooked for both of them, they ate, left and Sola came back knocking, I think the setting was my hostel on campus and I think someone was actually knocking some door somewhere. To cut the long story short I didn’t like his countenance in this dream. You see what sleeping overfed can cause? When I finally woke up… (Getting blank on what to write) NEPA brought back the light and that made me get up to sweep, fetch water and before I knew it, it was evening towards the time I checked my phone’s message inbox and saw a number I didn’t recognise, I flashed the number, the person called back and turned out to be my cousin Lape. Sanmi another cousin told me he gave her my number, but I didn’t believe she’d contact. Well, she was quite surprised I didn’t know she was the one. After that Daddy called when he had gotten to orita to tell me he was on his way home and to get his food ready.

ORITA! Can you imagine?! Well, we live at Odo-ona elewe or Agara, a very boring, village like and annoying, the worst place I’ve ever lived in my entire life and orita is like five to ten minutes from the area we live. I got eba and okro soup ready for him, well daddy and his annoying wahala complained about the cold water, he wanted warm water not cold (how was I supposed to know?) because he treated a tooth today and that cost him two thousand Naira. When I called him earlier and told him I needed money for personal things which I listed to him after monolouging  on how selfish he was, in my room the cost was seven thousand and he handed two thousand to me without considering how much those things actually cost. Now he had a treat for his teeth not something urgent, you see he likes to pamper himself first? When I asked why he won’t pay all the money he was saying incoherent and empty excuses.

“You know… ehn…” I’m arching my eyes now. ”That’s all I have now, we’ve been spending money on…” He mumbles his words and I’m pissed. “I’ll pay the rest”

“When?” I ask

“Whenever I get the money” I know he’s lying “Just keep till it’s complete”

Even if it means next year kai! Daddy, must it be frustrating to get my needs met by my father? This is what I go through and it annoys me. I NEED things and he just takes everything like he doesn’t plan to take care of anything concerning me having things I need, not want. So telling him is like burdening him with spending he doesn’t consider at all important.

I ate dinner and went  to prepare mummy’s dinner, soon she was back from shop and in their room, I overheard her praying warfare prayer points against those neighbours at the shop giving her trouble, they were even our church members too can you imagine?! When she was done praying, eating and we were all seated in front of the TV daddy said I should change the channel to NTA (for the news they won’t watch for fifteen minutes before falling asleep). End of news was end of the day.

“Let us pray” Daddy said. After praying, he told me to switch off the generator and go to bed, then he stepped into the bathroom and saw the undies he left there in the morning, he assumed he told me to spread them, I assumed he would do it himself since he got back and I didn’t want to touch his undies anyway, it feels awkward to do so. You needed to see how daddy exclaimed like a child deprived from what he wants; I actually lost focus on what I was writing here at that moment. We had a little argument on that and I told not to make assumptions. Lost on how to react in action or words he ordered me to switch off the generator “Or do you want to burn all the fuel?” The generator wasn’t on for two hours yet.

“I will” I replied.

I really hate it when daddy acts like this I end up doing what he doesn’t like and thoughts of having my children do the same to me hit me and I reject it. But I want to express my mind, my daddy behaves like a child and it annoys me, also I feel his very selfish, he expects you to do everything for him and still feels I’m lazy if I mention anything about the chores I’ve engaged in. I’m not going to spread those undies and giving him a massage irritates me, I don’t like having body contact with him, he whined until I gave him one today. I thought today was going to be a peaceful day at least, but when daddy is around, I’m not always happy. I called Lape again. I think I’m going to talk to daddy. Goodnight.

                                                                                                                                    10:59pm