I'm Healed.

I'm chatting with my former classmate and I was thinking he wanted to know how my day went. Today was an unusual day for me, I had cramps like I'd never had in my entire career of womanhood. I could not rest in any particular position for 5 seconds,the pain was excruciating and I started to feel it in my stomach somehow. I could not go out of the house to call our housemaid in the shop, of what use would she be? I could not possible send someone who calls a napkin 'namigi' to get me any pain killers. And there was no one else in the house, I screamed, cried, groped and squeezed anything that I grasped, got nauseated and even had diarrhea. The pain lasted over two hours, the pain finally left when I didn't even notice because I drifted off to sleep at a time I finally could. Though these things are quite typical with painful cramps I didn't want to ever experience them but I did today and in the midst of the pain I wondered of what use all this pain was for. Why do women have to experience such pain and discomfort each month especially if they are not yet mothers? I'm just wondering. On Sunday, I told my teens about faith's expression through confession of God's word from the Bible and I was doing so through pain and tears. Really, someone may want to question my results in faith and my answer reminds me of a song by some American artist or Choir which I can't recall the name but some part of the song says
"May have some scars, I am healed.
Circumstances, I'm still healed.
May feel some pain, I am healed."

This just boils down to the truth that my situation does not alter my position and reality in Christ. I'm healed.

3 Questions To Answer About Valentine's Day.

Today, I’m so blank about what to blog on. I guess it happens to every blogger every once in a while. That reminds me tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day! A believer or not I’m not excited about it and don’t think my reasons are because I’m not in a romantic relationship. It’s just simply annoying when on a festival day of love; everything apart from LOVE is practised by about 95% of those celebrating it. Am I exaggerating? Don’t think so, just think about what goes on Valentine’s Day and let’s be real.

• Do you believe in Valentine’s Day?

• Do you celebrate Valentine’s Day?

• Why do you celebrate Valentine’s Day if yes?

• Is it a true expression of love or a day to exchange material possession and expensive pampering for sex?

• Do you really know what valentine is?

• How should valentine be celebrated?

• Is Valentine’s Day necessary for lovers to celebrate?

• Do you think it’s thoughtful for marriage proposals to be made on Valentine’s Day?

 Am I asking to many questions? Don’t get scared yet, they are not for research purposes. I’m just curious and have these questions bugging my mind because of the crazy pressure that comes from a twisted tradition of celebrating ‘The festival of love’ on February 14^th every year. Girls are the most hyper during this season and you may really find out what stuff your partner is made of tomorrow. Relationships may be weighed by the things that happen tomorrow, as all the girls would be in a contest of who had the best valentine gifts and treats among the rest, especially if they reside together, in hostels or belong to cliques. Delivery and presentation are things to consider for tomorrow too. Chai! Guys are in trouble tomorrow ooo lol! Oh! I’m so sorry; I may be speaking at those who believe in all of Valentine’s Day. For you, an advocate for tomorrow’s celebration, you know I won’t stop you from fantasizing or faithing what the outcome of tomorrow would be.

• What would make a perfect valentine for you?

• How are you going to be celebrating Valentine’s Day?
• What's an appropriate Valentine's Day gift for men and women respectively?

•  What are the Do’s and Don’ts of an appropriate Valentine’s Day?

If you think these questions are too much, you don’t have to answer all. I don’t think anyone should do so here, but you could just think about it and give me your view about Valentine’s Day, make your choice of three (3) questions to answer. Share your view just the way it is without changing anything. You would be opening up things you probably didn’t realize about it, you could be helping me see from a ‘not so myopic’ view and you could be helping someone else who would read your view in the comments and be glad you shared because he/she could learn from you. Thanks in advance, for sharing your view. So, whatcha say bout Valentine’s Day?

How To Stay Refreshed Through Stressful Everydays

From the last post and from the comments of one or two it’s quite obvious how we want to be pampered and rest from things that stress us. What’s stress? A dictionary meaning could be a mental, physical or emotional strain caused by anxiety or overwork. Though its meaning may not be less stereotyped as in this definition there are two kinds of stress as I’ve learned from my discipline. They are Eustress and Distress. In simple words Eustress is caused by positive events or circumstances, and Distress is vice versa. For example, you are preparing for your wedding happening in some months, it’s a good thing to have your wedding but it comes with some strain, in fact a lot if you don’t slow your roll. Or you…sorry! Someone… gets laid off their job last week, by popular opinion it’s a bad thing and would come with some stress too.  I’ve learnt that our day to day living result from the major events (which are short termed) that have happened to our lives. You’re wondering I said the major events in our lives are short termed; let me explain using this simple analogy I learnt too. If you throw a sizable stone into a pond or lake or some stable body of water, the stone goes right down to the bottom and is no more seen on the surface but it leaves ripples on the surface of the water to linger a little longer than it has left the water surface. Try it if you still don’t get it. So for instance, you finally had your first child, the process and moment of delivery are over usually in two days then, you and your spouse face an on the job training for childcare, you don’t want me to go into details. If something tragic happens like a natural disaster or someone’s house got engulfed in fire, the things that make up the living activities of the survivors afterwards are ripples of such bad occurrences. I hope I’m not scaring you? I’m just trying to explain the cause of the activities that fill up our day generally. So if you have been through university, have served, gotten a job, gotten married and have one or two children who have started elementary education you should know how your day would go. Stressful! Right? After beating around the bush a little, today’s post is supposed to teach you ‘How to stay refreshed in hectic day to day living.’ The things I’d be telling you are reminders of what you may already know, simple tips you could follow and are beneficial habits if you cultivate them. Even if you just lazy at home every day, you need them to keep you refreshed, your days defined, your mind focused and receptive of great ideas and for making your day count. So here it goes:

1.       Plan Your Day: Give a time frame to the activities that would make your day including the regulars and non regulars. Make a to do list of the things you want done at the end of the day, do not include a lot of things in your to do list so as to make it realistic and realizable. Get a diary or notebook to do this preferably at night before you sleep then review it in the morning  as you start your day.

2.       Fellowship With God: This is the best way to get a fulfilled day started, a communion with the one who created it. Yeah! Tell me one more time that you don’t have time. I say no one has time for anything we can only create time for anything we want to. If you can’t give an account that no second in our 24hrs was wasted, it points to the fact that we determine what we use our time for.  The place of your fellowship should be at the altar of your heart don’t try to impress God with actions, I’m saying seek God with a sincere heart in prayer and meditation both in His Word, it gives your day great definition and reminds you to rise early.

3.       Work Out: A little exercise or rounds of it would do you no harm. It doesn’t even have to be outside your room. A comfortable levelled space enough for aerobics and any exercise to cause you to sweat and get your heart pumping. It helps circulation in your whole system throughout the day.

4.       Drink Water: The good works of water in your system can’t be over emphasized. You don’t have to drink an amount that would make you feel uncomfortable if you drink it at once, you could take little by little but make sure your system is hydrated through the day.

5.       Respond Don’t React: Especially when you reach the peak of your day, when you’re putting all your energy into what you’re busy with interruptions from situations or people around may cause you to be irritated, chose your answers to such interruptions by reasoning before you answer.

6.       Be Meek And Have A Laugh: Be teachable, a lot of lessons are been taught by our everyday living but we are too busy reacting to them and letting them slip through our fingers. When the going gets tough the wise tough get going by placing the going on the lighter mood making it easier to carry. That situation is almost reaching an edge that can cause a brawl, let down your ego just this once and place things on a lighter mood, laugh in a way the other party doesn’t feel spited, save the situation and make or keep a friend.

7.       Kick Back: When you’re done with the dinner dishes, unwind, lounge, have a dessert you like, report the day’s event in a diary, tuck the kids in, take a shower, brush your teeth, plan the next day, pray, read something pleasant to work your imagination, romance your spouse if you’re married and make sure you sleep for at least four hours.

With these few points of mine I hope I’ve been able to confuse and not to confuse you that it is better to be lazy than to be busy.  Catcha Later.

Top 5 things to make the week tick.

Mondays for the most of is the beginning of the week because work or school resumes on Monday. Contrary to that today's a public holiday id-el Maulud if I'm right. So the week doesn't start the usual way for most of you, but for me what do you think it would be? Another bout of boring and stressful activities. I used to have an irrational belief that Mondays determined how the rest of the week would turn out, but no more. I had my Monday not hectic and not lazy, I did a bunch of useful things. The thing is I'm a dork when it comes to having fun and I need a change. I know a lot of you guys know how to work hard and play harder (I'm not referring to watching movies for hours that's outright boring). If I was to write a list of the top five activities in my week it would go like this.
1. House chores.
2. Help out with mummy's business.
3. Make Dinner.
4. Turn off the generator before going to bed.
5. Teach at the Teen's Church on Sunday.
That's it! 1-4 take place everyday without fail except when I'm sulking, then Sunday has it on number five.
Is it just me or having 'me time' or fun isn't possible or are you a dork just like me? I want a change of events. What are the things or events that could make this week great for you? Or what things do you do to make your week tick. Or are you like me, used to stereotyped boring and exhausting events in your week? You could fantasize about the thing that would make this week tick, it may work as some sort of therapy for stress, just relax and fantasize. I'm talking about a wish list, mine would go:
1. Eat ice cream everyday.
2. Have someone read me to sleep every night.
3. Wake early enough to work out.
4. Meet a really great guy whose interested...
5. Go for a swim on Saturday (I'm not telling you I don't know how to swim yet)

Would this list make a week tick? Or Could you pimp my week?

Do you know what you carry?

I wrote this two weeks ago

I would have come with this to you like some motivational talk but too bad I don’t like motivational talk because I feel they miss the speck of the reality of life, take you to an imaginary world with happy endings, leave with virtually non applicable theories and philosophies that can make a man who is not careful with them look like a fool and sound like a noisy lousy cymbal (I’ve seen some myself).

I teach at the teen class in my church (don’t question my justification to do so). I’m resuming fully this coming Sunday after I had been away for close to six months in school for my final semester, so last Sunday I went there towards the end of service to check on them and see where I’d be fitting in when I resume fully. Some of them shared excited glances at each other and me, learning of my return. While some of them greeted me, some others who clearly knew me put up an attitude that they didn’t give a hoot about who I was. I tried not to be moved, most of them are bigger than I am in size but I’m still their teacher. Their service ended a little before the adult church to accommodate post meetings such as choir rehearsals. A little boy was heading the choir and I had a short conversation with him after the rest had dispersed after the meeting. I found that he was just twelve and not yet a teen. “What are you doing here you’re not yet 13?” I teased

“I may be small but I know what I carry” He replied me with more than words from his lips but from a conviction he lived with. “hmmmnn!” I absorbed what he said knowing what he meant and glad that he did. I was going to use this young leader as an example to the rest not for comparism, but for a challenge for them to realize they are responsible for what becomes of them by the stands they take. They have Christ in them and have overcome the world by the greater one which is in them. “Do they know what they carry?!”

Belated New year's post

                                                                                                                                                                2^nd January 2012.

Today is the second day in the year 2012. Wow 2012! Like sister Kunbi said “ Eyan dagba si ni yen” Yes we’re all getting older as times flies through the years. This year I want to blog every day on topics and issues surrounding the family. I want to practice family and marriage therapy cause I want to be that kind of therapist. You would be wondering what kind of audacity I have to do so knowing fully well that I just submitted my final project on adolescent sexual debut in partial fulfilment of the requirement for the bachelor of science degree in Psychology and as my last academic duty as an undergraduate in the Obafemi Awolowo University almost two weeks ago, I’m not yet married (nym) or even in any romantic relationship at all, I’ve never had a child or been close to having any, I’d be 22 years old this year and I still live with my family of orientation or procreation (whichever one is appropriate). But the fact that I have a family at all makes this possible, I have the AUDACITY OF HOPE! (Can you hear my victory song at the background?) I want to effect change through simplicity I’d just stop right there.

New year’s eve I wasn’t sure I still wanted to be a marriage and family therapist, because I was close to tears bout my family, I didn’t know what I was doing wrong cause I prayed and took the initiative to love and not try to change them, but they (especially my parents)seemed to get worse instead of better . I love them and I want them at their best. Do I have an ulterior motive for this? Well! Is there anything wrong with having a ‘desirable daddy, mummy, brother or sister’?! is there anything wrong in having people wish they had my kind of family? Hey! Don’t give me that talk about people not being perfect, there is entirely nothing wrong in having something really really good as yours and being proud to show it to the world. YES! I’m taking this PERSONAL. It’s my family and it could be a mirror of yours too. I hope for the courage to come out real and blunt about these things. So help me God. You could be of help to me and I could be of help to you, it’s ‘Ubuntu’ on this blog. Thank you.

Tribute To Granpa

Mummy sent me an sms, telling me to write an eulogy for my maternal grand father who passed on in the first week of September. I was blank and I'm still quite blank bout what to say bout him. I'm not really good with elderly people but my grandfather is the only one I've been able to get along with. Not like we always spent time together or really did big things together but there was this aura that made me feel drawn to him in love. Maybe it was the fact that he featured in the stories of my mother's histories and there were quite a number of stories. Or maybe the mystery of the eventuality of the stories of the characters in my mother's stories of her history. I know his name to be Zaccheaus Fagbohungbe, I knew him to be gentle and patient though the stories painted him a no nonsense father of his age and time. I knew him for his wits and humor that I found quite intriguing for an old man, and the way he got conversations going with keen interest showed how much he cared to be a part of the lives God placed around him and blessed him with. I remember how he kept in touch with his children, just in case they had forgotten him he did not forget them and always still accepted them, no matter how they were, whether or not they were taking the right steps or making the right decisions he didn't reject them but accepted them in love, correcting them if they would have him do and giving them room to make their own mistakes and grow, and when they came back once bitten and twice shy, he never says "I told you so!" That's a Father. Now, my heart sober and eyes close to tears, I recall his laughter, I admired it and the fact that he was a good patient teacher, who liked to teach people, how to do little things paying attention to the details. My moment with Grandpa was the day I resumed at my second secondary school as a transfer  and new student in my JSS 2 some few years back. Personally that was a moment of a turn around change for me as I was going through some things emotionally and not so prepared for it all. Grandpa was there, grandma and my mother too as I was being checked in as a new student and said farewell to the only family I had physically present, with his presence I was reminded that I was not alone and he wished me the best, he loved and did care about me having to deal with change, no matter what kind. No wonder there was something about him I may not be able to place my hands on but keeps making me love him and it keeps the memory lingering. Grandpa, I know you died desiring more love and affection than you got from the ones you love the most, your refusal to deny yourself or your love would keep me in the fight to keep loving and treating others the way I believe is right no matter how they treat me. I wish you could still be here with us to see me make you proud, I love you and would keep these few memories of you praying that I use them make other lives better. Goodnight Grandpa.

SOS!

Is there a book like "blogging for dummies"?!
Cause I'm almost freaking out here!!. Sorry! Okay! Maybe I should watch my tongue. I'm not freaking out but since I started this blog and I had 3 members, it has remained like that for months. It's annoying that it seems like I don't understand the rudiments of social networking b/c I can't seem to draw attention on facebook, twitter or this blog. What am I doing wrong? what am I to do more rightly? I'm not jealous but the blogs I follow have a lot of followers and no one is complaining about any difficulties in joining those blogs. This isn't a pity party, it's SOS now! Please join this blog and post comments on what would help, wld be grateful. Thanks.

To trust and to hold

"I can't believe those words just dropped out of her mouth!"
"What does she take me for?!"
"This is someone I should be able to rely on and talk to, she does not even  trust me nor knows what I'm capable of. It's sad."

Sometimes we get dashed by the people we've been a little bit or very vulnerable with and had our courage thrown right back into our faces. We feel betrayed, less secure, sold to the enemy, bitter and disappointed.

Trust is not easily gained but it is easily lost. Trust is innate yet learned. Trust is an interactive trait, it has a two way direction.

I wish I could tell you why I'm talking bout trust, but I know to gain trust is a joyful priviledge, while to give trust is a risk. Life is being made beautiful and our experiences meaningful by the mixture of the bitter and sweet.

And what convinces us that we are worthy of our trusts ourselves?

We betray ourselves, sell ourselves to our detriment, do things we would not normally do and give our trusts to other people not worthy. Most times we are not any better than the ones who betray us.

May not really know the drive for this, but I think some points to brood on about trust have been laid. I'm not leading anyone to a particular perspective or philosophy of trust, I'm just expressing the thoughts flowing through my head now. I draw the curtains with this;

We may not have control over the trust we give,
But we do have a responsibility to guard the trust we do receive.

This is a poem but I don't know what title to give it

I don't know, but I have to ask why!
Would truth, love and freedom pass her by.
Why deny her freedom and tell her lies?
Because you can't stand her greatness when she flies.
She's a marvel and to be adored.
She may not see it or know it but deserves the truth be told.
The truth! The truth that produces a good fruit.
Seed of truth in her fertile and fragile heart.
A creation wired to trust and take every seed her truth.
You lie! You deny! You deprive and you smile!
Mocking her innocence you make, lies the truth, and as her truth you tell her to take.
Yes she believes cause for to trust she has been wired.
Then you get irritated she's been wired to faith.
It beats you, you can't explain what lies beneath.
Gullible! Dumb! You call her names.
Demean, abuse and reduce her aims.
Is she faulty for being created woman?
Created with so much uniqueness by a God of wonder?
Created to faith and created to love?
Created with a heart close to God's heart?
Created to give life and to nuture?
Created to hope for a better future?
Where is she faulty?
Tell me!That she deserves to be treated thus?
Man praised her before he called her 'woman'.
In her eyes you see her desire
For the truth to make her free as she aspires.
Give her the truth,
She deserves it from you.